I'm also 23 and have run into similar lessons as you listed.
One lesson I'd like to add to your post is that once you start writing regularly, you start seeing stories in life regardless of how separate they are in space and time. (Wrote an essay on this perspective here: https://themohammadkhan.substack.com/p/life-through-a-storytelling-lens)
When I started my writing journey in 2020 through weekly fiction writing, I saw stories everywhere and in everything. The horrifically mundane moments in life -- like sitting in traffic -- became opportunities to tap into the invisible web of stories interweaving our lives and being aware of the most essential choice in life: that we have the ability to choose what we think about and choose what we focus on.
Stuck in rush hour traffic can be a momentary glimpse into hell or it can be a gift of stillness making us aware of how fast we've been moving and how much we'd like to slow down and enjoy our time here.
Mohammad! Thanks so much for your help on the early draft of this piece & your insightful reflection here.
I loved this: “once you start writing regularly, you start seeing stories in life regardless of how separate they are in space and time.”
100% agree. Once I realized that I perceive my life through story, the stories I tell myself about my reality, I had a lot more liberty to make those stories better.
Your note also reminded me of DFW’s This is Water Commencement speech. I don’t recommend things often but it’s my favourite all time commencement speech. Short but bloody brilliant.
Tommy, your insights are remarkable for a human of any age and all the moreso for a 23 year old. Thank you for writing them down and sharing. Was appreciating this quote yesterday from Mary Oliver: "This is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.”
Addie! Thanks so much for reading & leaving such a thoughtful note. Made my day (:
Ahhh I love Mary Oliver so much. I was THIS close (*pinches fingers*) to including a line about how much I love her in this piece. I read her collection Devotions this year. Full of underlines and dogears.
Thanks for the quote! Her musings on attention are so so good. Saving to my notes
A most sincere and heartfelt essay you've written (once again) Tommy!!! Immense appreciation for sharing so much about yourself through these specific life lessons uncovered this year. Thank you for your reflections and transparency. I am grateful! I learned a few vital traits distinct to you! You've provided readers with a looking glass into your soul which, in turn, will provoke their own self reflections. Allowing for personal growth is most worthwhile! A few which struck me most...paying attention...keeping your soul old...you're far more creative...being honest about your own darkness...the only things worth hiding...teach the people in my life how to interact with me...carrying pieces of all whom we have loved...looking for feelings of home...living with slowness...
Mind you, ALL the revelations you took the time to share here are provoking, yet unique to you!!! Most of all, thank you for your openness and honesty! Love you lots Tommy!!!
I really enjoyed this, Tommy, and the format was great. I also appreciated you grouping the lessons together — especially the well-placed alliteration one. (I have an affinity for alliteration too.)
This one stands out: “I will leave a legacy - it won’t be a statue but it will be silent - unspoken and embodied and eternal, like a ripple across a pond”
To live life optimizing for material success and a stone-etched legacy is to miss so much of what it means to live. I share this perspective and see it as a mark of harmony, among something like stillness and ambition. There’s a way to strive for a far-off goal with effort and intent without that pursuit draining you of life.
Haha thanks so much Garrett. I wasn’t too sure on format but I’m glad it landed. I wanted to work in more rhythm but didn’t in the end.
I think I bought into the whole “you won’t have a legacy so do whatever you want because everyone will forget you” idea for a bit but realized this year it’s both nihilistic and untrue. I’m also skeptical of philosophies that shirk from personal responsibility.
We shape everyone we encounter. And especially people we encounter often.
Even if I don’t have kids, who will then go off and influence a ton more people, each action I take, the person I am each day, makes the world a little closer to heaven or a little closer to hell.
Appreciate you taking the time to read. Means a lot.
Hope you have a lovely December weekend & a merry Christmas. Hope the new apartment is treating you well.
Great work pal, love the opening story you added here. A beautifully written prelude. Lovely distillation of what you learned, or at least what you learned that was on your mind when you wrote this... I’m sure the subconscious list is 1,000x longer.
Your writing always offers a great way to start my Saturday so thanks for sharing :)
One more I would add to the list: If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
Tommy, a wonderful way to start my Saturday morning. I’m twice your age and wish I had 1/2 as much wisdom as you do. Thank you for sharing and please offer us more and more from time to time. I couldn’t help but think this piece is the poster child for your commitment to journaling. It inspires me.
James! I was talking to Rick about this as well but I genuinely feel spoiled knowing you spend a few minutes of your day reading what I wrote.
I think life is the test of wisdom and I (hopefully) have lots of life still ahead to see what I’m made of. I can’t claim too much without a wife or kids or losing my parents, etc. Just a lot of books & rumination.
I’m still filling my 3 pages every morning in my journal. Will taper it down eventually but helps clear my confused head.
Thanks again for reading. Wishing you and your family a lovely December weekend & merry Christmas (:
Tommy totally my pleasure. All that life ahead of you will just amplify the wisdom you are cultivating while adding to it. That you are aware of the teachers all around you makes life so much more meaningful. Merry Christmas to you too.
An exceptional collection of provocative glimpses Tommy. Each of these are like a peep-hole into profundity. Micro-meditations on being a human. It's probably annoying as hell to have old people like me going on about how "you're so wise for a 23 year old!" but seriously, what the heck? If it came out that you had secretly hired a staff of septuagenarian monks to produce a raft of insights you could curate from to make this list, that would logically follow for me. It's been a pleasure walking the path of "fathomless mystery" with you this year. No doubt the next year will evade our understanding with just as much authority.
Identifying important lessons you have had throughout your life is a complicated exercise. Identifying them, putting them into words and sharing them is awesome. Congratulations Tommy, this essay is inspiring and beautiful.
Happy belated birthday. I love Noah Kahan so fuckin much too.
Tommy! Thank you for sharing. It inspired me a lot. This is a note from China. There is some vocabulary I can’t understand.The translating app helps me a lot. When I read all of those, I'm so happy.
look forward to our next sharing. (Maybe some grammar was wrong,please don’t laugh at me, haha. I just plan to learn my second language.)
Happy belated birthday, Tommy!! I hope you had a really wonderful day.
I can’t imagine how much time, honesty, and stillness it took to identify and put digestible words to these very very complex ideas/truths. Thank you for sharing :)
Thank you so much for reading & taking the time to leave a kind note. Made my day a little brighter.
I think I wrote over 300 in the first draft and went through quite the process of cutting and tweaking and refining. I’m glad they could be of some insight for you (:
Hope you have a lovely December weekend and holiday season !
Emma! I can only imagine. The holiday season is busy for everyone but especially Moms. I’m spoiled you found the time to spend a few minutes reading my essay. Thank you (:
Hahaha I was SO close to taking out the Noah Kahan joke but happy you liked it.
Wishing you and your family a lovely December weekend & merry Christmas (:
Great seeing the evolution of this piece Tommy!
I'm also 23 and have run into similar lessons as you listed.
One lesson I'd like to add to your post is that once you start writing regularly, you start seeing stories in life regardless of how separate they are in space and time. (Wrote an essay on this perspective here: https://themohammadkhan.substack.com/p/life-through-a-storytelling-lens)
When I started my writing journey in 2020 through weekly fiction writing, I saw stories everywhere and in everything. The horrifically mundane moments in life -- like sitting in traffic -- became opportunities to tap into the invisible web of stories interweaving our lives and being aware of the most essential choice in life: that we have the ability to choose what we think about and choose what we focus on.
Stuck in rush hour traffic can be a momentary glimpse into hell or it can be a gift of stillness making us aware of how fast we've been moving and how much we'd like to slow down and enjoy our time here.
Mohammad! Thanks so much for your help on the early draft of this piece & your insightful reflection here.
I loved this: “once you start writing regularly, you start seeing stories in life regardless of how separate they are in space and time.”
100% agree. Once I realized that I perceive my life through story, the stories I tell myself about my reality, I had a lot more liberty to make those stories better.
Your note also reminded me of DFW’s This is Water Commencement speech. I don’t recommend things often but it’s my favourite all time commencement speech. Short but bloody brilliant.
Hope you have a lovely December weekend (:
Thanks again
Tommy, your insights are remarkable for a human of any age and all the moreso for a 23 year old. Thank you for writing them down and sharing. Was appreciating this quote yesterday from Mary Oliver: "This is the first, the wildest and the wisest thing I know: that the soul exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness.”
Addie! Thanks so much for reading & leaving such a thoughtful note. Made my day (:
Ahhh I love Mary Oliver so much. I was THIS close (*pinches fingers*) to including a line about how much I love her in this piece. I read her collection Devotions this year. Full of underlines and dogears.
Thanks for the quote! Her musings on attention are so so good. Saving to my notes
Hope you have a lovely December weekend (:
A most sincere and heartfelt essay you've written (once again) Tommy!!! Immense appreciation for sharing so much about yourself through these specific life lessons uncovered this year. Thank you for your reflections and transparency. I am grateful! I learned a few vital traits distinct to you! You've provided readers with a looking glass into your soul which, in turn, will provoke their own self reflections. Allowing for personal growth is most worthwhile! A few which struck me most...paying attention...keeping your soul old...you're far more creative...being honest about your own darkness...the only things worth hiding...teach the people in my life how to interact with me...carrying pieces of all whom we have loved...looking for feelings of home...living with slowness...
Mind you, ALL the revelations you took the time to share here are provoking, yet unique to you!!! Most of all, thank you for your openness and honesty! Love you lots Tommy!!!
thanks mom (: appreciate you always supporting & reading my work
I really enjoyed this, Tommy, and the format was great. I also appreciated you grouping the lessons together — especially the well-placed alliteration one. (I have an affinity for alliteration too.)
This one stands out: “I will leave a legacy - it won’t be a statue but it will be silent - unspoken and embodied and eternal, like a ripple across a pond”
To live life optimizing for material success and a stone-etched legacy is to miss so much of what it means to live. I share this perspective and see it as a mark of harmony, among something like stillness and ambition. There’s a way to strive for a far-off goal with effort and intent without that pursuit draining you of life.
Haha thanks so much Garrett. I wasn’t too sure on format but I’m glad it landed. I wanted to work in more rhythm but didn’t in the end.
I think I bought into the whole “you won’t have a legacy so do whatever you want because everyone will forget you” idea for a bit but realized this year it’s both nihilistic and untrue. I’m also skeptical of philosophies that shirk from personal responsibility.
We shape everyone we encounter. And especially people we encounter often.
Even if I don’t have kids, who will then go off and influence a ton more people, each action I take, the person I am each day, makes the world a little closer to heaven or a little closer to hell.
Appreciate you taking the time to read. Means a lot.
Hope you have a lovely December weekend & a merry Christmas. Hope the new apartment is treating you well.
Well said, Tommy, I’m totally with you. Err on the side of personal responsibility and overestimating your influence on the world.
Thank you, the new place has been nice. Merry Christmas!
Great work pal, love the opening story you added here. A beautifully written prelude. Lovely distillation of what you learned, or at least what you learned that was on your mind when you wrote this... I’m sure the subconscious list is 1,000x longer.
Your writing always offers a great way to start my Saturday so thanks for sharing :)
One more I would add to the list: If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
Thanks Jack! And thanks for giving such in depth feedback on the first pass of this one. If I were a writing course I’d totally hire you as an editor.
I think I wrote over 300 in total before compressing down to this list
I love the note on fun. Its something I don’t prioritize enough but it’s fun to have fun (if you know how)
Tommy, a wonderful way to start my Saturday morning. I’m twice your age and wish I had 1/2 as much wisdom as you do. Thank you for sharing and please offer us more and more from time to time. I couldn’t help but think this piece is the poster child for your commitment to journaling. It inspires me.
James! I was talking to Rick about this as well but I genuinely feel spoiled knowing you spend a few minutes of your day reading what I wrote.
I think life is the test of wisdom and I (hopefully) have lots of life still ahead to see what I’m made of. I can’t claim too much without a wife or kids or losing my parents, etc. Just a lot of books & rumination.
I’m still filling my 3 pages every morning in my journal. Will taper it down eventually but helps clear my confused head.
Thanks again for reading. Wishing you and your family a lovely December weekend & merry Christmas (:
Tommy totally my pleasure. All that life ahead of you will just amplify the wisdom you are cultivating while adding to it. That you are aware of the teachers all around you makes life so much more meaningful. Merry Christmas to you too.
An exceptional collection of provocative glimpses Tommy. Each of these are like a peep-hole into profundity. Micro-meditations on being a human. It's probably annoying as hell to have old people like me going on about how "you're so wise for a 23 year old!" but seriously, what the heck? If it came out that you had secretly hired a staff of septuagenarian monks to produce a raft of insights you could curate from to make this list, that would logically follow for me. It's been a pleasure walking the path of "fathomless mystery" with you this year. No doubt the next year will evade our understanding with just as much authority.
Well my staff of septuagenarian monks aren’t much of a secret now !!
Hahaha thanks so much for reading Rick & the kind words. I genuinely feel spoiled knowing you spend a few minutes of your day reading what I wrote.
I kinda feel like a fraud some days and worry people will find out, but your words always keep me grounded.
Hope the west coast weather is being kind to you & you have a lovely December weekend and merry Christmas (:
Great read, I’m 23 too and the way you articulate things is so great. Keep it up!
Thanks Patrick!! Really appreciate you reading & the kind note (:
Hope 23 is good to you
Happy belated 23 going on 82!
Haha thanks Becky (:
Going on 83 now *
Wise insights. Especially when it comes to stillness, acceptance, and gratitude. You're starting another year off with a bang. Happy belated!
Thanks so much Anderson - for reading & continuing to engage with my work (: seriously means a lot
I hope you have a wonderful start to your new year
Identifying important lessons you have had throughout your life is a complicated exercise. Identifying them, putting them into words and sharing them is awesome. Congratulations Tommy, this essay is inspiring and beautiful.
Happy belated birthday. I love Noah Kahan so fuckin much too.
Thanks so much Catalina (: this note made me smile
Really appreciate the kind words & thanks again for your help on this one. You’re the best.
Happy Birthday. I really enjoyed this essay.
Thanks J (: really appreciate you reading & the kind words
Hope you’re having a lovely holidays
Happy (belated?) birthday Tommy! This was such a delight to read :)
+1 on your point about AI
Thanks Sherry! So glad you enjoyed it - brought a smile to my face (:
right ?? “Artificial” is literally in the title
Tommy! Thank you for sharing. It inspired me a lot. This is a note from China. There is some vocabulary I can’t understand.The translating app helps me a lot. When I read all of those, I'm so happy.
look forward to our next sharing. (Maybe some grammar was wrong,please don’t laugh at me, haha. I just plan to learn my second language.)
Thank you so much for the message and your kind words. I’m so happy you enjoyed it.
Your grammar is good! I’m always so impressed by people who can write in multiple languages as I certainly cannot.
Have a lovely day (:
Happy belated birthday, Tommy!! I hope you had a really wonderful day.
I can’t imagine how much time, honesty, and stillness it took to identify and put digestible words to these very very complex ideas/truths. Thank you for sharing :)
Syd!! It’s so good to hear from you.
Thank you so much for reading & taking the time to leave a kind note. Made my day a little brighter.
I think I wrote over 300 in the first draft and went through quite the process of cutting and tweaking and refining. I’m glad they could be of some insight for you (:
Hope you have a lovely December weekend and holiday season !
Too many gems to count and too much reflection to comment on for my tired mom brain at the moment but this was WONDERFUL!
“I love Noah Kahan so fuckin much and you do too” laughed so hard. You’re exactly right
Emma! I can only imagine. The holiday season is busy for everyone but especially Moms. I’m spoiled you found the time to spend a few minutes reading my essay. Thank you (:
Hahaha I was SO close to taking out the Noah Kahan joke but happy you liked it.
Wishing you and your family a lovely December weekend & merry Christmas (: