Tommy, I read every word. Every word. I wept a bit as I pictured you driving yourself with such unrelenting fervor. I gasped because your essays that I have felt most drawn to made me imagine you as a philosopher, someone who reveled in calm, serene environments, took long forays into nature, had tea with monks, and wrote poetic stories describing emotions with fresh, moving images. To think that those beautifully crafted phrases cost you so much! Breaks my heart a little.
I saw myself in your descriptions of someone chasing grand ambitions. I mourned the years I spent trying to be better than average, when I could have been satisfied with being less than perfect. That competitive, ferocious drive earned me accolades, but drained so much delight from my days.
It has taken me decades to realize that failure, or missing the goal I set, may be guidance, rather than punishment.
I would have been miserable as a pediatrician. I was not meant to be a computer programmer. The corporate track never would have given me the chance to follow my artistic visions.
I was meant to follow options that I could not see when I was focused on paths where I would hit dead ends.
Once I followed my passions, I found it easier to do well, feel satisfied, and slow down. If I did get absorbed by a project, I would come up for air with a sense of satisfaction. Perfectionism still told me my efforts were mediocre sometimes, but I began to enjoy practicing, improving, and being clumsy. I began to like the process as much as any end product.
Please be patient with yourself. You are already gaining insights that took me, and others, many more years to learn. You do not have to bleed on the earth to grow flowers.
J.T. thank you so much for reading so patiently & wow this comment was special. I had to reread it a few times to really let it soak in.
I smiled at your description of me from my writing. It’s certainly my ideal! One I’m inching towards and much closer to year by year, but some days it still feels distant.
And thank you for sharing a bit more of your story. It’s fascinating and sounds like we have much in common. I’m realizing many of the same things but you’re right, it takes time and lots of stumbling.
This was beautiful: “You do not have to bleed on the earth to grow flowers.”
Tommy, your essays always give me a lot to ponder. May we reach for our ideals while being patient when we fall short. That last line felt like a revelation. ❤️
I always thought that you are just naturally smart and a brilliant writer. I would have never thought that you had to put so much effort into your writing.
I relate so much to the essay, and despite being still very young, I see how I could go down the same path. Like you, I've got that need to improve, want to be exceptional, or maybe even perfect. And like you, I want to be able to relax, to just lay down in a meadow and enjoy nature. But can't.
Thank you so much for this essay, it's a much needed wake up call. I can imagine that it cost a lot of daring to be so upfront about your insecurities. I hope and wish that writing and publishing this essay helps you as much as it will help others.
I kind of feel the same way, but for the opposite reasons.
I wonder if meeting halfway of this spectrum would make us happy, or if disquiet is the only constant in our lives. Is there a sweet spot where achievements and the joy of living coexist harmoniously? Is there a paradise called Peace of Mind waiting for us somewhere in this world, or is the best we can do to walk the path with the shoes we were given at birth and try to enjoy the journey as much as possible?
For selfish reasons, I hope you continue to embrace your hard-working personality and keep blessing us with your writing. However, if you ever feel like easing off the pedal, perhaps new perspectives might be revealed, and the writing could still flow into your fingertips, albeit in a different way.
Anyway, please never stop feeling afraid to hit publish, those are the stories that need to be shared.
Congratulations on the piece, and for being so hard-working. And rest assured, there’s much more to say about you than just that!
It’s so good to hear from you Danny and I always cherish your words. Beautiful questions I’m afraid I don’t have answers to but are endlessly worth asking.
I’ve definitely felt the pull these last few months to be more patient with pieces, spend more time to make sure it’s really top quality, but I’m not sure where that intuition will lead yet.
But thank you man for reading and all your support. Seriously means the world (:
"I tell my friends, 'I'm an extremist.' (They've asked me to stop saying this so loudly in public)." Mahaha! This whole thing hits me hard.. I am 39, but spent most of my 20s and 30s with that same monkey on my back... the tools we use to succeed often reveal themselves to be maladaptive. Lucky you for discovering that before decades more of raw fatigue and overwork. But I also think there's truth in the idea that we can't transcend what we haven't realized. It can be just as dangerous to deny our ambitions as it can be to go for them with caffeinated abandon. In my case, I've discovered that I need much LESS than I thought I did to feel successful; and that my ambitions are more tied to process than result. In my 20s, I saw things in big extremes & set little traps for myself. "If you are not famous a famous XYZ, you'll be a failure," things like that. For many years I didn't do XYZ at all, for fear that I couldn't be the TOP. Only in the last few years have I discovered that practicing XYZ is what makes me genuinely happy. I delight myself; I am kind to myself; I cheer myself on. I look around me and see that the generosity I offer myself cascades out of me to those around me. I can tell people feel safe in my company in a way they didn't used to. I didn't realize that's what success actually FELT like, not just to me, but to others. And PS your writing SINGS.
Isabel, thank you so much for reading and writing such a beautiful reflection here. Love it.
“We can’t transcend what we haven’t realized” is so good. As painful as it can be, it seems the most important lessons can only be learned by experience. Regardless of what someone told me at the time I wouldn’t have changed at ounce. I would’ve been deaf to it.
I saw friends follow hyper competitive intense career paths with the same fervent desire and couldn’t say anything that would change their mind.
Happy to hear you’re found a place of balance, of presence, of rest.
Thank you again for reading Isabel. Keep well & keep in touch (:
This feels like one of those stories you try to tell in a million different ways forever, and in some way blocks what's behind it until it's out in the open.
I hope this has given you catharsis -- it's cathartic to read.
I especially love the subheading and the sandpaper analogy. I feel like I better understand the workaholics in my life now that I've read you tie it to your self image.
I read a book I think touches interestingly on these topics -- Satya Byock, a therapist, wrote a book positing that quarterlifers fall into "meaning" and "stability" camps. I wonder how you'd self ID from the perspective of a creative.
Lastly, I appreciated the sneaky Mt. Joy paraphrase in this (and really wish there was a cardinal emoji).
Miranda, thank you for reading and taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment. Made my day (:
Writing these types of pieces is always its own kind of terrifying but through the fear there’s a lot of healing. Funny how that works.
Hmm the “meaning” and “stability” camps is an interesting dichotomy. I feel like I try to pursue meaning above anything but know from reflection the importance of stability in my life.
And omg I didn’t even realize I had a Mt. joy reference but one been listening to their first album on repeat and it must be steeped into my subconscious.
Thank you again for reading & the note! Appreciate you
I’m digesting this Tommy. It’s a monumental piece and I plan to share more when your vulnerable WHOLEHEARTED sharing has fully and properly been assimilated inside my heart.
I cannot image the world without this essay in it.
We all have our unique journey in life. That you are taking on loving yourself fully, for the already and always perfect person you are, at 23, well, you are “winning” 😉 against your future self of taking it on at age 40.
Loving yourself is going to teach and inspire others to do the same.
This brought a big smile to my face. Thank you James (:
This was a hard piece to write but wanted to tell the truth on the page, as fully as I could, which can be scary.
I kinda ran full speed into this realization through pushing myself near to a breaking point. But I’m grateful for the wisdom that can be found in pain.
Thank you for being such an incredible support & a friend
THIS! I remember being this person. Pushing myself beyond limits to get ahead; to make other people proud. Forgetting myself, my life in the process. There are a lot of words and emotions with this read.
Even when my cognitive function was at its worse post brain injury, I thought maybe it was for the best. At least I wouldn't be addicted to working anymore. But then I became addicted to making myself better. Justified, obviously. That tenacity paid off and my intellect is returning, and with it the workaholic.
It took my husband and my body failing yet again and most of my clients bailing for me to finally say, "Enough". But there is always still another project percolating in the background. My moments of stillness do not come so easily anymore. My first service dog, Figgy, is old now and content to sleep and let me become obsessed over the next, the latest. Shadow, the new hire, refuses. She will bite my toes, chew on my furniture and harass my precious puppy until I get off my device.
I feel my own writing on this subject percolating. 🤣 Thank you! Fabulous! Shared!
Thank you Isabella, for reading and writing such a beautiful reflection here. It was so good to hear a bit of your story - so thank you for sharing with me.
It’s funny how we tend to over correct - swing too far in the other direction. I definitely did that after leaving this overwork path, glorifying meditation and tearing apart the corporate path.
The truth, always, lies in the middle way. It just takes some time to get there.
A worthwhile read! Evocative, insightful and interesting. As good writing tends to do, it made me reflect on my own psychology and choices when it comes to work. Certainly made it to the end — some proof — “Now we’re over 5,000 words in, no one will see this very sentence.”
Thank you for reading Rizina & taking the time to leave a kind note. Brought a big smile to my face (: and you did make it that far wow - proved the monster wrong haha
Hey Tommy, I've been silently reading all your essays for over a year now and this is definitely my favourite. For what its worth, I thought you were extremely smart in first year business and honestly I always aspired to work as hard as you. It's sobering to read about your perspective and your struggles, something that I never noticed back then. I'm the furthest thing from a workaholic but through my own struggles I reached the same conclusion that as you said, work or no work, I need to love myself like crazy. I think you're an amazing writer and I sincerely hope you feel the calm of slow, purposeful living one day. Looking forward to reading about it when you do :)
A harrowing portrait Tommy, and I get the utility and value of describing this so thoroughly as a means of creating perspective and distance from the fever of this way. But . . . I think there is a reason we can fall into such a pace that is not just anchored in a kind of dysfunction. There really is a drive for excellence, exceptionality, doing our best work, making our highest contribution that seems to require us to test and find our limits. What balance is different for us all from time to time. I celebrate your honesty and transparency about what you've been through, are going through, and it's valuable food for my own reflection. (as I leave a comment hours after I probably should have stopped for rest.) There is the heavenly rightness of unhurried presence and also sometimes the divine touch of creative distress. I'm rooting for you, and me, and the rest to find the right measure of both when the times are right.
Great writing, Tommy! It is definitely good enough, and then some. Thanks for sharing and I hope you are reading this while chilling out somewhere. Most workaholics I know, and I was one myself, also seem to be perfectionists. And just to round off the equation, their own worst critic. I’m guilty on all three counts.
Rest is also part, a very important part, of exercise.
So, well done. You hit that publish button. I’m glad you did.
Thank you Kevin! There certainly is an undercurrent of perfectionism here - something I struggled with for a long time but am slowly letting go of. I certainly can be my own worst critic.
But it felt good to get this one out and step away from the laptop for the rest of the weekend.
Great essay Tommy! I would say I can see all the hard work you put into this, but am afraid you might not see that as a complement 😆. As a person who is not a hard worker but was/is considered “smart”, I sometimes wish I was a harder worker so I could achieve more. But the grass is always greener, right? Is the trick/solution not to compare ourselves to others? Your past writing shows you long for a slower life. From reading all your essays it’s hard to see that the person described in this essay is the person who writes all these essays. I don’t know if that makes sense.
Hopefully one day you’ll find a balance between the amount of work you want to do and the amount of rest/ enjoying life you want to do. That will take time. Just know that no one knows what they are doing and we have to figure out what works for us in our own time. That sounds like I’m giving advice. I don’t know why I’m doing that. I’m trying to figure things out too. That’s probably why I’m drawn to your writing. You seem to be on a journey to figure out what you really value in life which is probably the most important journey you can undertake. Hopefully you can learn to cut yourself some slack once in a while. If everyone is exceptional then everyone becomes average. The majority of people are average and they are doing okay. On a side note I think the teacher didn’t comment on Lebron because it was unimportant to them. Maybe. 🤔 Hope you have a good week, whatever the word “Good “ means to you.
Ah this was so good J. I had to reread it a few times to really let it settle with me.
Your words make total sense. Part of what I didn’t include in that essay is how I’m not the same person in many ways. It’s been a journey but I’m in a much better place. I have a clearer vision of my ideal and what I want my life to look like, perhaps made possible through writing and reflection.
I’m certainly seeking that balance. I’ve never tried to fake answers I didn’t have or pretend I have it all figured out - sometimes I think no one really does.
Thank you for all the kind wishes. Your shooort means the world to me (:
Loved the last line! ⭐️I definitely relate to being a hard worker. I was never the best or the smartest and that annoyed me. I felt I had something to prove from a young age. Now that I’ve worked myself silly trying to achieve “something” I have to take a damn sabbatical to undo the damage I’ve done.
You’re so young! To realize this about yourself at this age is so commendable. Keep being kind to yourself and focusing on your vision and it will be here before you know it 👏🏻
Thank you for reading Brenna and the kind words. Really appreciate your time and kindness here (:
There’s definitely the feeling of having a chip on the shoulder, wanting to prove yourself, prove people wrong. It can be motivated and lead to success but often at your own expense.
simply amazing. you’re vulnerability is inspiring. refreshing & eye opening. as ppl try and be honest nowadays there’s always something to hold us back but you said I’m here to speak! and that you did. i love your work so much, don’t tell anyone else you might be my fave on substack!! shh☺️ Tommy, a wonderful piece again! thank you!! 🌟
Ahh thank you so much Dahlia. It’s been a gray and rainy and bleh day and this brought a big smile to my face.
I try to get to a place where I’m very honest with myself when I write. Perhaps because honesty has been the thread that weaves through the work of my favourite writers. And I know how much their honesty has helped me.
Really appreciate all your support (: hope you have a lovely day
You know, I feel a lot of the same on that. I love to write from an honest standpoint but some things run a little too tough and deep that getting honest about them in writing is the hardest thing I could do & often times I don’t end up doing it.
When something is too raw that if you were to write it down it’s you making it real? that seems like something that you may have the biggest gift with. much like our favorite writers.
thank you muchness Tommy, I hope your day gets brighter
Tommy, I read every word. Every word. I wept a bit as I pictured you driving yourself with such unrelenting fervor. I gasped because your essays that I have felt most drawn to made me imagine you as a philosopher, someone who reveled in calm, serene environments, took long forays into nature, had tea with monks, and wrote poetic stories describing emotions with fresh, moving images. To think that those beautifully crafted phrases cost you so much! Breaks my heart a little.
I saw myself in your descriptions of someone chasing grand ambitions. I mourned the years I spent trying to be better than average, when I could have been satisfied with being less than perfect. That competitive, ferocious drive earned me accolades, but drained so much delight from my days.
It has taken me decades to realize that failure, or missing the goal I set, may be guidance, rather than punishment.
I would have been miserable as a pediatrician. I was not meant to be a computer programmer. The corporate track never would have given me the chance to follow my artistic visions.
I was meant to follow options that I could not see when I was focused on paths where I would hit dead ends.
Once I followed my passions, I found it easier to do well, feel satisfied, and slow down. If I did get absorbed by a project, I would come up for air with a sense of satisfaction. Perfectionism still told me my efforts were mediocre sometimes, but I began to enjoy practicing, improving, and being clumsy. I began to like the process as much as any end product.
Please be patient with yourself. You are already gaining insights that took me, and others, many more years to learn. You do not have to bleed on the earth to grow flowers.
J.T. thank you so much for reading so patiently & wow this comment was special. I had to reread it a few times to really let it soak in.
I smiled at your description of me from my writing. It’s certainly my ideal! One I’m inching towards and much closer to year by year, but some days it still feels distant.
And thank you for sharing a bit more of your story. It’s fascinating and sounds like we have much in common. I’m realizing many of the same things but you’re right, it takes time and lots of stumbling.
This was beautiful: “You do not have to bleed on the earth to grow flowers.”
Thank you my friend (: for everything
Tommy, your essays always give me a lot to ponder. May we reach for our ideals while being patient when we fall short. That last line felt like a revelation. ❤️
I love your essay.
I always thought that you are just naturally smart and a brilliant writer. I would have never thought that you had to put so much effort into your writing.
I relate so much to the essay, and despite being still very young, I see how I could go down the same path. Like you, I've got that need to improve, want to be exceptional, or maybe even perfect. And like you, I want to be able to relax, to just lay down in a meadow and enjoy nature. But can't.
Thank you so much for this essay, it's a much needed wake up call. I can imagine that it cost a lot of daring to be so upfront about your insecurities. I hope and wish that writing and publishing this essay helps you as much as it will help others.
Thank you Doris (: for reading and being such a kind supporter of my work.
I’m so happy it resonated with you. Definitely tough to share but it helps me as a writer as, hopefully, it helps others.
Thank you again for taking the time to read & the warm words. Reminds me why I write.
I kind of feel the same way, but for the opposite reasons.
I wonder if meeting halfway of this spectrum would make us happy, or if disquiet is the only constant in our lives. Is there a sweet spot where achievements and the joy of living coexist harmoniously? Is there a paradise called Peace of Mind waiting for us somewhere in this world, or is the best we can do to walk the path with the shoes we were given at birth and try to enjoy the journey as much as possible?
For selfish reasons, I hope you continue to embrace your hard-working personality and keep blessing us with your writing. However, if you ever feel like easing off the pedal, perhaps new perspectives might be revealed, and the writing could still flow into your fingertips, albeit in a different way.
Anyway, please never stop feeling afraid to hit publish, those are the stories that need to be shared.
Congratulations on the piece, and for being so hard-working. And rest assured, there’s much more to say about you than just that!
It’s so good to hear from you Danny and I always cherish your words. Beautiful questions I’m afraid I don’t have answers to but are endlessly worth asking.
I’ve definitely felt the pull these last few months to be more patient with pieces, spend more time to make sure it’s really top quality, but I’m not sure where that intuition will lead yet.
But thank you man for reading and all your support. Seriously means the world (:
"I tell my friends, 'I'm an extremist.' (They've asked me to stop saying this so loudly in public)." Mahaha! This whole thing hits me hard.. I am 39, but spent most of my 20s and 30s with that same monkey on my back... the tools we use to succeed often reveal themselves to be maladaptive. Lucky you for discovering that before decades more of raw fatigue and overwork. But I also think there's truth in the idea that we can't transcend what we haven't realized. It can be just as dangerous to deny our ambitions as it can be to go for them with caffeinated abandon. In my case, I've discovered that I need much LESS than I thought I did to feel successful; and that my ambitions are more tied to process than result. In my 20s, I saw things in big extremes & set little traps for myself. "If you are not famous a famous XYZ, you'll be a failure," things like that. For many years I didn't do XYZ at all, for fear that I couldn't be the TOP. Only in the last few years have I discovered that practicing XYZ is what makes me genuinely happy. I delight myself; I am kind to myself; I cheer myself on. I look around me and see that the generosity I offer myself cascades out of me to those around me. I can tell people feel safe in my company in a way they didn't used to. I didn't realize that's what success actually FELT like, not just to me, but to others. And PS your writing SINGS.
Isabel, thank you so much for reading and writing such a beautiful reflection here. Love it.
“We can’t transcend what we haven’t realized” is so good. As painful as it can be, it seems the most important lessons can only be learned by experience. Regardless of what someone told me at the time I wouldn’t have changed at ounce. I would’ve been deaf to it.
I saw friends follow hyper competitive intense career paths with the same fervent desire and couldn’t say anything that would change their mind.
Happy to hear you’re found a place of balance, of presence, of rest.
Thank you again for reading Isabel. Keep well & keep in touch (:
This feels like one of those stories you try to tell in a million different ways forever, and in some way blocks what's behind it until it's out in the open.
I hope this has given you catharsis -- it's cathartic to read.
I especially love the subheading and the sandpaper analogy. I feel like I better understand the workaholics in my life now that I've read you tie it to your self image.
I read a book I think touches interestingly on these topics -- Satya Byock, a therapist, wrote a book positing that quarterlifers fall into "meaning" and "stability" camps. I wonder how you'd self ID from the perspective of a creative.
Lastly, I appreciated the sneaky Mt. Joy paraphrase in this (and really wish there was a cardinal emoji).
Miranda, thank you for reading and taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment. Made my day (:
Writing these types of pieces is always its own kind of terrifying but through the fear there’s a lot of healing. Funny how that works.
Hmm the “meaning” and “stability” camps is an interesting dichotomy. I feel like I try to pursue meaning above anything but know from reflection the importance of stability in my life.
And omg I didn’t even realize I had a Mt. joy reference but one been listening to their first album on repeat and it must be steeped into my subconscious.
Thank you again for reading & the note! Appreciate you
LeBron.
I’m digesting this Tommy. It’s a monumental piece and I plan to share more when your vulnerable WHOLEHEARTED sharing has fully and properly been assimilated inside my heart.
I cannot image the world without this essay in it.
We all have our unique journey in life. That you are taking on loving yourself fully, for the already and always perfect person you are, at 23, well, you are “winning” 😉 against your future self of taking it on at age 40.
Loving yourself is going to teach and inspire others to do the same.
I love you pal.
This brought a big smile to my face. Thank you James (:
This was a hard piece to write but wanted to tell the truth on the page, as fully as I could, which can be scary.
I kinda ran full speed into this realization through pushing myself near to a breaking point. But I’m grateful for the wisdom that can be found in pain.
Thank you for being such an incredible support & a friend
I cried at parts. A reflection of myself.
THIS! I remember being this person. Pushing myself beyond limits to get ahead; to make other people proud. Forgetting myself, my life in the process. There are a lot of words and emotions with this read.
Even when my cognitive function was at its worse post brain injury, I thought maybe it was for the best. At least I wouldn't be addicted to working anymore. But then I became addicted to making myself better. Justified, obviously. That tenacity paid off and my intellect is returning, and with it the workaholic.
It took my husband and my body failing yet again and most of my clients bailing for me to finally say, "Enough". But there is always still another project percolating in the background. My moments of stillness do not come so easily anymore. My first service dog, Figgy, is old now and content to sleep and let me become obsessed over the next, the latest. Shadow, the new hire, refuses. She will bite my toes, chew on my furniture and harass my precious puppy until I get off my device.
I feel my own writing on this subject percolating. 🤣 Thank you! Fabulous! Shared!
❤️🍓🐇 Isabella
Thank you Isabella, for reading and writing such a beautiful reflection here. It was so good to hear a bit of your story - so thank you for sharing with me.
It’s funny how we tend to over correct - swing too far in the other direction. I definitely did that after leaving this overwork path, glorifying meditation and tearing apart the corporate path.
The truth, always, lies in the middle way. It just takes some time to get there.
Thank you again - means a lot (:
A worthwhile read! Evocative, insightful and interesting. As good writing tends to do, it made me reflect on my own psychology and choices when it comes to work. Certainly made it to the end — some proof — “Now we’re over 5,000 words in, no one will see this very sentence.”
Thank you for reading Rizina & taking the time to leave a kind note. Brought a big smile to my face (: and you did make it that far wow - proved the monster wrong haha
Appreciate you
Hey Tommy, I've been silently reading all your essays for over a year now and this is definitely my favourite. For what its worth, I thought you were extremely smart in first year business and honestly I always aspired to work as hard as you. It's sobering to read about your perspective and your struggles, something that I never noticed back then. I'm the furthest thing from a workaholic but through my own struggles I reached the same conclusion that as you said, work or no work, I need to love myself like crazy. I think you're an amazing writer and I sincerely hope you feel the calm of slow, purposeful living one day. Looking forward to reading about it when you do :)
Thank you Amir - it’s good to hear from you man. I appreciate you reading & taking the time to leave such a thoughtful note.
I’m glad to hear you’re coming to the same conclusions. It’s definitely the learning of a lifetime but a journey with taking.
Keep well pal & keep in touch (:
A harrowing portrait Tommy, and I get the utility and value of describing this so thoroughly as a means of creating perspective and distance from the fever of this way. But . . . I think there is a reason we can fall into such a pace that is not just anchored in a kind of dysfunction. There really is a drive for excellence, exceptionality, doing our best work, making our highest contribution that seems to require us to test and find our limits. What balance is different for us all from time to time. I celebrate your honesty and transparency about what you've been through, are going through, and it's valuable food for my own reflection. (as I leave a comment hours after I probably should have stopped for rest.) There is the heavenly rightness of unhurried presence and also sometimes the divine touch of creative distress. I'm rooting for you, and me, and the rest to find the right measure of both when the times are right.
Thank you Rick. It’s special to know you read my work & get to see your reflections on it. Really.
Balance has come up a lot as I’ve reflected more on this piece. It’s a hard thing to strike. I hope you get some well-deserved rest.
Thank you again Rick. For everything. Your comments are poetic.
Great writing, Tommy! It is definitely good enough, and then some. Thanks for sharing and I hope you are reading this while chilling out somewhere. Most workaholics I know, and I was one myself, also seem to be perfectionists. And just to round off the equation, their own worst critic. I’m guilty on all three counts.
Rest is also part, a very important part, of exercise.
So, well done. You hit that publish button. I’m glad you did.
Thank you Kevin! There certainly is an undercurrent of perfectionism here - something I struggled with for a long time but am slowly letting go of. I certainly can be my own worst critic.
But it felt good to get this one out and step away from the laptop for the rest of the weekend.
Keep well & keep in touch (:
Great essay Tommy! I would say I can see all the hard work you put into this, but am afraid you might not see that as a complement 😆. As a person who is not a hard worker but was/is considered “smart”, I sometimes wish I was a harder worker so I could achieve more. But the grass is always greener, right? Is the trick/solution not to compare ourselves to others? Your past writing shows you long for a slower life. From reading all your essays it’s hard to see that the person described in this essay is the person who writes all these essays. I don’t know if that makes sense.
Hopefully one day you’ll find a balance between the amount of work you want to do and the amount of rest/ enjoying life you want to do. That will take time. Just know that no one knows what they are doing and we have to figure out what works for us in our own time. That sounds like I’m giving advice. I don’t know why I’m doing that. I’m trying to figure things out too. That’s probably why I’m drawn to your writing. You seem to be on a journey to figure out what you really value in life which is probably the most important journey you can undertake. Hopefully you can learn to cut yourself some slack once in a while. If everyone is exceptional then everyone becomes average. The majority of people are average and they are doing okay. On a side note I think the teacher didn’t comment on Lebron because it was unimportant to them. Maybe. 🤔 Hope you have a good week, whatever the word “Good “ means to you.
Ah this was so good J. I had to reread it a few times to really let it settle with me.
Your words make total sense. Part of what I didn’t include in that essay is how I’m not the same person in many ways. It’s been a journey but I’m in a much better place. I have a clearer vision of my ideal and what I want my life to look like, perhaps made possible through writing and reflection.
I’m certainly seeking that balance. I’ve never tried to fake answers I didn’t have or pretend I have it all figured out - sometimes I think no one really does.
Thank you for all the kind wishes. Your shooort means the world to me (:
Loved the last line! ⭐️I definitely relate to being a hard worker. I was never the best or the smartest and that annoyed me. I felt I had something to prove from a young age. Now that I’ve worked myself silly trying to achieve “something” I have to take a damn sabbatical to undo the damage I’ve done.
You’re so young! To realize this about yourself at this age is so commendable. Keep being kind to yourself and focusing on your vision and it will be here before you know it 👏🏻
Thank you for reading Brenna and the kind words. Really appreciate your time and kindness here (:
There’s definitely the feeling of having a chip on the shoulder, wanting to prove yourself, prove people wrong. It can be motivated and lead to success but often at your own expense.
Thank you again! Keep well & keep in touch
What is probability 2?
Haha it was a super hard statistics course I took in university
This is a beautiful reflection of our expectations of ourselves and how they can alter our lives Tommy.
"They don't get it. They don't know what it takes" is so relatable.
Thank you Catalina (: this was a tough one to share - your support mean a lot (:
Hope you've been keeping well & not getting to Chile with winter coming (i know terrible, i know)
simply amazing. you’re vulnerability is inspiring. refreshing & eye opening. as ppl try and be honest nowadays there’s always something to hold us back but you said I’m here to speak! and that you did. i love your work so much, don’t tell anyone else you might be my fave on substack!! shh☺️ Tommy, a wonderful piece again! thank you!! 🌟
Ahh thank you so much Dahlia. It’s been a gray and rainy and bleh day and this brought a big smile to my face.
I try to get to a place where I’m very honest with myself when I write. Perhaps because honesty has been the thread that weaves through the work of my favourite writers. And I know how much their honesty has helped me.
Really appreciate all your support (: hope you have a lovely day
I’m glad I could be of some help for you today!
You know, I feel a lot of the same on that. I love to write from an honest standpoint but some things run a little too tough and deep that getting honest about them in writing is the hardest thing I could do & often times I don’t end up doing it.
When something is too raw that if you were to write it down it’s you making it real? that seems like something that you may have the biggest gift with. much like our favorite writers.
thank you muchness Tommy, I hope your day gets brighter