"Being fully transparent, I have no clue how to put less pressure on myself. It feels like a term from some new foreign language. I don’t think I’m that hard on myself. I just am."
We have this in common, Tommy. Years ago, at a retreat with my development community, I discovered that the gifts I could give myself were love, self-compassion, and grace—not in an attempt to be less hard on myself or to eliminate that from my way of being, but to complement it. What I discovered over time is that the harness on myself transformed into something like "candor" with myself because the "harshness" was neutralized when accompanied by grace.
Ah I love this James. I’ve been thinking about self love a lot recently. It’s so interesting how hard it can be to love and forgive myself. I heard a friend say recently: “there’s no reason you shouldn’t love yourself like crazy”.
What does having grace typically look/feel like for you?
Also, still waiting on that essay draft! Would love to be of use, if helpful (:
Ah, James, such sage advice! I so appreciate you sharing these excellent thoughts with Tommy, especially as they relate to your own journey. Life is such a balancing act, proving yourself while loving yourself. Tommy completely respects you (Jack too), so I trust your wisdom will take hold in his heart and mind.
Rob, great to see your name pop into my inbox. I sure feel a kinship with Tommy and Jack. I never would have guessed that an aspect of my choosing to participate in this writing community would yield so many new friends, let alone ones I feel such a connection with at the onset. I hope to meet them someday, as well as you. It must be so delightful to experience your kids as adults continuing to blossom, to discover and become more of who they are as they journey through life. We think our kids “grow up” but they keep growing all right, only deeper and deeper.
re; "Did I ever have a touch to lose?" I haven't been following your work for very long, but I love the words you find. "Staring up at a crystal bath of stars." and "My thoughts branch and weave and twist like roots." So yes, you have a touch to lose, but you haven't lost it. We don't always have all the answers, as you say. I do think it's really about keeping the search alive (just wrote about that here: https://livingtostayawake.substack.com/p/reviving-the-search-of-your-childhood shameless, or perhaps shameful, plug).
I too am hard on myself, always have been. I don't walk around shaming myself but I have a deep fear of "wasting this life" so I'm always pushing. Just yesterday I was researching what's behind that. Lots of theories but nothing rang like an absolute truth to me. Would love to read your thoughts about it sometime if you reflect further on it.
This was so nice to read Mikaela. Thank you for reading and leaving such a kind note. Made my day (:
I feel writing ebbs and flows. Sometimes it’s incredibly easy, sometimes impossibly hard. Your support means a lot.
Really resonate with your sentiment on “wasting this life”. I think my greatest fear is mediocrity, wasted time. I feel so much pressure to use my time well, but some days it just fetters away.
I will reflect more and check out your piece. Thanks again (:
If it takes some space and time between your posts to produce writing of this quality so be it. This is soaked through with the quality of presence you are cultivating. I'm enriched by it. Some sentences jumped out at me, but I wouldn't feel comfortable quoting them here any more than I'd attempt to share my appreciation of a rose by removing a petal, leaf, or thorn and holding it up as proof. This is beautiful because it is so inseparably whole.
It’s been a dip with writing recently and this feedback, especially coming from you, brought a massive smile to my face. Thank you for spreading love and bringing so much light into this world - I know my life, and many others, are better from it.
Reading your thoughts brought this to mind. Intense pressure creates diamonds. While that’s true, I like to remember that air, sunlight, room to stretch roots, and refreshing water create daffodils and lilies of the valley each spring.
Love reading your thoughts, as always. I think the part I’m having a hard time with is separating the pressure I put on myself with the negative externalities. There’s nothing wrong with pressure (and I don’t think I’ll ever be someone who doesn’t have high expectations) but I don’t love the ways I cut myself up.
Thank you for reading & hope you had a lovely, relaxing, book-infused weekend
Tailor, thank you for reading man and the kind note. So happy to hear you enjoy the essays - brought a smile to my face (:
And that’s the first comment I’ve gotten on the photography. I know I’m still a beginner and thought about cutting the photos but this was awesome encouragement.
I DONT KNOW HOW TO PUT LESS PRESSURE ON MYSELF EITHER. if I had a penny for every time someone tells me to stop being so hard on myself. Thanks for sharing.
..."I’m strongest at all the broken places" - I wonder if the mind bones fuse better the way muscle improves after you rip them running and lifting weights...
"Being fully transparent, I have no clue how to put less pressure on myself. It feels like a term from some new foreign language. I don’t think I’m that hard on myself. I just am."
We have this in common, Tommy. Years ago, at a retreat with my development community, I discovered that the gifts I could give myself were love, self-compassion, and grace—not in an attempt to be less hard on myself or to eliminate that from my way of being, but to complement it. What I discovered over time is that the harness on myself transformed into something like "candor" with myself because the "harshness" was neutralized when accompanied by grace.
Ah I love this James. I’ve been thinking about self love a lot recently. It’s so interesting how hard it can be to love and forgive myself. I heard a friend say recently: “there’s no reason you shouldn’t love yourself like crazy”.
What does having grace typically look/feel like for you?
Also, still waiting on that essay draft! Would love to be of use, if helpful (:
Ah, James, such sage advice! I so appreciate you sharing these excellent thoughts with Tommy, especially as they relate to your own journey. Life is such a balancing act, proving yourself while loving yourself. Tommy completely respects you (Jack too), so I trust your wisdom will take hold in his heart and mind.
Rob, great to see your name pop into my inbox. I sure feel a kinship with Tommy and Jack. I never would have guessed that an aspect of my choosing to participate in this writing community would yield so many new friends, let alone ones I feel such a connection with at the onset. I hope to meet them someday, as well as you. It must be so delightful to experience your kids as adults continuing to blossom, to discover and become more of who they are as they journey through life. We think our kids “grow up” but they keep growing all right, only deeper and deeper.
Thank you again for the reply. 🙏
re; "Did I ever have a touch to lose?" I haven't been following your work for very long, but I love the words you find. "Staring up at a crystal bath of stars." and "My thoughts branch and weave and twist like roots." So yes, you have a touch to lose, but you haven't lost it. We don't always have all the answers, as you say. I do think it's really about keeping the search alive (just wrote about that here: https://livingtostayawake.substack.com/p/reviving-the-search-of-your-childhood shameless, or perhaps shameful, plug).
I too am hard on myself, always have been. I don't walk around shaming myself but I have a deep fear of "wasting this life" so I'm always pushing. Just yesterday I was researching what's behind that. Lots of theories but nothing rang like an absolute truth to me. Would love to read your thoughts about it sometime if you reflect further on it.
This was so nice to read Mikaela. Thank you for reading and leaving such a kind note. Made my day (:
I feel writing ebbs and flows. Sometimes it’s incredibly easy, sometimes impossibly hard. Your support means a lot.
Really resonate with your sentiment on “wasting this life”. I think my greatest fear is mediocrity, wasted time. I feel so much pressure to use my time well, but some days it just fetters away.
I will reflect more and check out your piece. Thanks again (:
If it takes some space and time between your posts to produce writing of this quality so be it. This is soaked through with the quality of presence you are cultivating. I'm enriched by it. Some sentences jumped out at me, but I wouldn't feel comfortable quoting them here any more than I'd attempt to share my appreciation of a rose by removing a petal, leaf, or thorn and holding it up as proof. This is beautiful because it is so inseparably whole.
Rick, this comment is pure poetry. Thank you.
It’s been a dip with writing recently and this feedback, especially coming from you, brought a massive smile to my face. Thank you for spreading love and bringing so much light into this world - I know my life, and many others, are better from it.
Hope you have a lovely week (:
This was exquisite. Thank you so much for writing it. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
Thank you Veronica. Means a lot. It’s been one of those days and this brought a big smile to my face.
Hope you have a lovely week.
Reading your thoughts brought this to mind. Intense pressure creates diamonds. While that’s true, I like to remember that air, sunlight, room to stretch roots, and refreshing water create daffodils and lilies of the valley each spring.
Lovely to hear your latest experiences, Tommy.
Ah so poetic J.T.
Love reading your thoughts, as always. I think the part I’m having a hard time with is separating the pressure I put on myself with the negative externalities. There’s nothing wrong with pressure (and I don’t think I’ll ever be someone who doesn’t have high expectations) but I don’t love the ways I cut myself up.
Thank you for reading & hope you had a lovely, relaxing, book-infused weekend
I have to consciously stop myself from being a demanding perfectionist, Tommy. It is getting easier with practice.
I have had a restful and soothing weekend. Thanks!
I’ve noticed similar things with managing stress and uncertainty, as well. It never gets easier but the muscle gets stronger.
It’s so comforting to read your words, like I’m in the Great Hall during a Christmas feast.
Ah Charlie, this brought a huge smile to my face. Especially as Christmas is our favourite holiday & Harry Potter is always on TV during the holidays.
Thank you (: hope you’re well
I love reading your posts as a part of my Saturday routine & your photography always leaves me feeling a little bit lighter(especially this week).
Japan looks beautiful this time of year. We're headed there in September for the first time!
Tailor, thank you for reading man and the kind note. So happy to hear you enjoy the essays - brought a smile to my face (:
And that’s the first comment I’ve gotten on the photography. I know I’m still a beginner and thought about cutting the photos but this was awesome encouragement.
Thank you again and hope you had a lovely weekend
I DONT KNOW HOW TO PUT LESS PRESSURE ON MYSELF EITHER. if I had a penny for every time someone tells me to stop being so hard on myself. Thanks for sharing.
Haha me too Brenna, me too. Happy that if we're hard on ourselves, at least we're not alone in it.
Thank you for reading and the kind words. Made my day (:
Really enjoyed this Tommy. Thanks for the great reads.
Thank you Emily (: the support means a lot coming from you (and always helps - writing can be a bumpy path sometimes)
Hope you have a lovely week
You’re literally one of the nicest people I’ve ever spoken with lol
..."I’m strongest at all the broken places" - I wonder if the mind bones fuse better the way muscle improves after you rip them running and lifting weights...
Ha that’s a great analogy. I mean the brain is a muscle (I think?) so makes sense.
I think I’ve been forced to grow the toughest at my weak spots. Maybe it’s because I put more attention there or divert more energy.
But after getting torn up, it fuses together stronger. I love the idea of pain as medicine. The way our body heals our sick self.
Thank you for reading my friend & the brilliance as always
Another thoughtful and relatable post. Thanks for sharing, and welcome home! 🇨🇦
Thank you Evan (: appreciate you reading man.
It’s good to be home. The more I travel, the more I love my country.
As I was reading this Essay reminds me of the Enjoy Yourself Song by The Specials
Here's the first stanza:
Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think
Ah that’s so good Mohammad. Thank you for sharing my friend. Appreciate you reading (: