There needs to be a word for the phenomena of writing a great piece and then the next week feeling absolutely crushed and blocked because of it. I related to so much of what you wrote here and was smiling throughout. I'm glad you wrote through it and it was a great takeaway at the end!
Michelle! You’re so right. I was talking about this with Haley this week. Trying to live up to it but also knowing you probably won’t.
My mind goes to athletes who had one great season, musicians who had one great album, writers who had one great novel... and could never repeat their past greatness.
Glad you were smiling. Makes me smile :) contagious
Yes! And now I understand how that happens. I feel like after success, I'm afraid to show up imperfectly, even though it was showing up imperfectly that led to the success in the first place.
You have a lovely weekend too, Tommy! Keep up the great writing!
You despised what you wrote? Keep stringing words together anyway.
You wrote something more profound before?
So what? Keep going.
No one will read, appreciate, understand, relate to what you said?
Doesn’t matter.
You’re a writer. Writers wrangle thoughts into phrases. Keep trying.
We writers see your struggle and applaud you. Maybe this is how we put off our own work. Maybe your public struggles reassure us that we are not the only ones bearing the weight of our own overly demanding expectations.
J.T. this was awesome. You always impress me with your kind yet motivational and life-affirming messages (are you a coach or something??)
Being vulnerable & honest with my struggles is so hard sometimes. Certainly causes anxiety, fear of being judged some days. But my whole goal is exactly what you said: reassuring others they’re not alone. That makes me smile.
You are so eloquent with your thanks. I appreciate your response.
No, I am not a life coach. I have simply lived long enough to gain a bit of self-awareness. It has also helped to be a member of my local library’s writing group for fifteen years and counting. The members of this supportive group and my encouraging husband have helped me keep writing, despite many misgivings. The smug critic who lives in my brain sometimes makes snarky remarks. I am learning that this voice does not get to make big decisions.
How wonderful that you will keep my words accessible! What more could I ask than to have something I wrote have a positive impact?
I wish you a memorable weekend as well. This Thanksgiving, I hope you take a few moments to be grateful for your writing talent.
"To carve myself a little slice of hell and stew in it."
Goddamn. Goddamn! Putting words to a thought I didn't even know I had, pointing a finger (not accusatory, just correct) at an action I've taken before. And will take again, most like.
Hey! Thanks for reading & leaving such an honest reflection. Made my day.
It’s something I’ve certainly been guilty of. Especially isolating myself from people when I’m angry or struggling when being around people that love me is the precise thing I need most. It’s interesting how - if my eyes aren’t open - I can take a little stumble and make it a lot worse for myself. It’s something I’m trying to work on.
I’ve been studying the Biblical story of Cain & Abel. One of the ideas I’ve taken away is: when life isn’t going so well, even if it’s not your fault and you’re doing all the right things, it’s tempting to damn fate or God or the universe, it’s tempting to open the door to despair and bitterness when it comes knocking. But if you want to make things better, the only thing you can do is continue to act properly. Anything else will only make it worse.
Sorry for rambling, you just got me thinking.
Thanks again for reading! Hope you have a lovely weekend :)
Nice little ramble, all the same. The Cain&Abel story is short and sweet, and quite simple at first glance. Especially when you are introduced to it as a child. But my word, there is so much wisdom packed into those passages. I was gobsmacked when going through it again, first listening to J Peterson on the subject, and then reading through it again afterwards. So much of the human character is revealed within that story. I think I’ll have another look later. Just to top up on what I’ve learned, and continue to every time I do so. I am sure that this is a point in time that strengthening the spiritual side of all of our lives is crucial. We all need an anchor when the winds of change are becoming ever more forceful.
I really appreciate the stream of consciousness about what writers block can feel like. Thanks for sharing. And I relate so hard to not being able to write yet another thing if your last thing actually does well! It's so intimidating, every time. I wonder why...
Rey! Thank you so much for reading & the insightful reflection you left. Brought a smile to my face.
I’m exploring stream of consciousness writing but I also love beautiful, fluid prose. Still trying to find my voice, week by week, piece by piece.
Intimidating is right! For me, I think I begin to create expectations around my writing and focus too much on the fame & feedback rather than just falling into the process of writing.
It truly is just a humble act of beginning again each week. Having a short memory for both the successes and the failures.
Hope you have a lovely November weekend & thanks again for reading :)
I recognize what I think is a pretty clear voice in your writing, if I may offer my opinion. Your voice seems curious, observant, perhaps with the beginner's mind of someone who is open to change but already having quite a lot of practice.
The expectations are intimidating, absolutely! Beginning fresh each week with little memory of the successes or failures seems like the best way to do it. I will try to work towards that.
Thanks again for your reply and hope you have a great week!
Lillian! Thank you so much for reading & the beautiful reflection.
“The people that make you work for their love” is so interesting. I was reading something similar: prioritize the people who make it easy for you to love them. Because even if you can win over the difficult ones, the relationship with be an imbalance of constantly trying to win their approval.
I love the story you shared. Sounds like you’ve been on quite the journey. Makes me happy to hear you’ve found people who love like you do. So special & so valuable in this life.
Such an honest piece. There's so much that resonates. Thank you for sharing. What helps me is thinking about the netflix comedy special concept. Keep publishing knowing it's impossible for every single thing to be gold until you find all the gold. Then if you want hit after hit, know that you can recycle all the gold. Let me know if you ever want to talk through anything.
Thanks for reading Miche & really appreciate the kind words :)
Love the idea of looking at writing as a comedy special. Comics have hilarious stories of how they’ve flopped on some shows, even when they’re already successful!
Each piece is one shiny dime--one brick of your worldview. If you publish consistently you create a coliseum of ideas.
Nov 18, 2023·edited Nov 18, 2023Liked by Tommy Dixon
On writer's block, Louise Gluck wrote "I think this silkworm notion of diligence and productivity has done many writers real harm. They discover a style of speech or a subject and then just busily produce replicas. The periods of blankness and silence are desolating. But tell yourself the well is filling up (it is). At the end of a bad period or a silence something will have shifted, your work changed. I believe this passionately. I think everything good in my own work I owe to endurance." I recently read this in another piece, and loved it. "But tell yourself the well is filling up" is one of the most inspiring, refreshing, energetic, positive phrases I've ever read on the writing block subject.
It is indeed taxing to commit to a weekly schedule, as some weeks things are just not flowing. But the well is filling up. :)
Hang in there brother. Everything changes, everything that arises passes away, and that includes down cycles in your creativity. You’ve sold me on adding Patagonia to the bucket list. 🙏
funny enough, I did have a section on how creativity (like emotions) ebbs and flows and the key is to orbit those cycles with grace. Cut it in the edits (as well as 90% of the other words) but think you’re exactly right.
Thanks for reading. So good to hear from you! And yes, Patagonia is certainly special
Nov 18, 2023·edited Nov 18, 2023Liked by Tommy Dixon
“This Is Water” is one of my all-time favorite pieces of media. I haven’t listed to it every night for a week straight, but I did pay Little, Brown $10 to get the hardcover so that I could read it aloud to myself and become a better orator through osmosis.
Way to use your writer’s block as a writing prompt! I really enjoyed this piece, especially those italicized peeks into your fleeting thoughts. They are funny and completely relatable. Thanks for sharing this, enjoy your last week in Argentina!
Garrett! I love the idea of reading it yourself to become a better orator. That’s awesome.
One thing that surprised me was how much I noticed in the audio that I missed from reading it the first two times earlier this year. But similar to how they say you don’t really see something until you paint it, I think the more friction you can add, the more you absorb, notice the nuances.
Appreciate the kind words! I’m in a weird place with my writing voice. Before I was so obsessed with fluid introspective prose and I’m exploring more cluttered comedic writing ( bad at it). Not sure where I’ll end up but time will tell.
Interesting contrast between you beating yourself up for not being able to write anything and staying in Bariloche for another week because you knew it would make you happier. The true push / pull of doing what makes you happy versus what makes you fulfill personally-set obligations. Good luck winning the battle against yourself.
I’m definitely trying to be more amenable to change instead of anchoring to past decisions, especially when I have much more information now than I did when I originally made the decision.
But with writing or work, I try to be more rigid / disciplined / consistent.
Perhaps the recipe is to have flexibility in some areas of life, rigidity in others.
Laughed at “Good luck winning the battle against yourself.” ... I’ll need it.
I'm glad you wrote this piece cause it was very relatable...also, some great moments in there. Do you think you can objectively judge your own writing though?
Thank you Rosana, for reading and the kind words :) brought a smile to my face
To answer your question, no I don’t think I can objectively judge my writing. Especially as I’ve given more to writing, it’s taken more of me. If anything I’ve become less and less objective, more and more consumed.
But to be honest, I also don’t think I can objectively judge anything
This piece is gold and it resonates so much. Loved this "Committing to writing is scary because what if writing doesn’t commit to me? What if it leaves me? What if I’m left empty-handed, grasping for words I can no longer find?" Bravo Tommy
There needs to be a word for the phenomena of writing a great piece and then the next week feeling absolutely crushed and blocked because of it. I related to so much of what you wrote here and was smiling throughout. I'm glad you wrote through it and it was a great takeaway at the end!
Michelle! You’re so right. I was talking about this with Haley this week. Trying to live up to it but also knowing you probably won’t.
My mind goes to athletes who had one great season, musicians who had one great album, writers who had one great novel... and could never repeat their past greatness.
Glad you were smiling. Makes me smile :) contagious
Hope you have a lovely November weekend
Yes! And now I understand how that happens. I feel like after success, I'm afraid to show up imperfectly, even though it was showing up imperfectly that led to the success in the first place.
You have a lovely weekend too, Tommy! Keep up the great writing!
Funny how that works. Often the more I can show up without expectations, the better the result
Drifty. Authentic. Smirk inducing. Thanks.
Thanks Mark! Really appreciate you reading & the kind note.
“Drifty” is awesome. May have to add that to my tagline!
Hope you have a lovely November weekend :)
You despised what you wrote? Keep stringing words together anyway.
You wrote something more profound before?
So what? Keep going.
No one will read, appreciate, understand, relate to what you said?
Doesn’t matter.
You’re a writer. Writers wrangle thoughts into phrases. Keep trying.
We writers see your struggle and applaud you. Maybe this is how we put off our own work. Maybe your public struggles reassure us that we are not the only ones bearing the weight of our own overly demanding expectations.
Let’s keep writing, Tommy.
J.T. this was awesome. You always impress me with your kind yet motivational and life-affirming messages (are you a coach or something??)
Being vulnerable & honest with my struggles is so hard sometimes. Certainly causes anxiety, fear of being judged some days. But my whole goal is exactly what you said: reassuring others they’re not alone. That makes me smile.
Saving your words as a note in my phone :)
Hope you have a lovely November weekend
Hi, Tommy!
You are so eloquent with your thanks. I appreciate your response.
No, I am not a life coach. I have simply lived long enough to gain a bit of self-awareness. It has also helped to be a member of my local library’s writing group for fifteen years and counting. The members of this supportive group and my encouraging husband have helped me keep writing, despite many misgivings. The smug critic who lives in my brain sometimes makes snarky remarks. I am learning that this voice does not get to make big decisions.
How wonderful that you will keep my words accessible! What more could I ask than to have something I wrote have a positive impact?
I wish you a memorable weekend as well. This Thanksgiving, I hope you take a few moments to be grateful for your writing talent.
I love that you’ve been part of a writing group for 15 years. I imagine the connections forged in that group must be quite meaningful.
We tend to think of art or writing or any creative act as a solitary activity but more and more I learn, creativity demands community.
Yes, sharing, asking for input, and getting feedback after revisions are invaluable for polishing our creations.
"To carve myself a little slice of hell and stew in it."
Goddamn. Goddamn! Putting words to a thought I didn't even know I had, pointing a finger (not accusatory, just correct) at an action I've taken before. And will take again, most like.
Hey! Thanks for reading & leaving such an honest reflection. Made my day.
It’s something I’ve certainly been guilty of. Especially isolating myself from people when I’m angry or struggling when being around people that love me is the precise thing I need most. It’s interesting how - if my eyes aren’t open - I can take a little stumble and make it a lot worse for myself. It’s something I’m trying to work on.
I’ve been studying the Biblical story of Cain & Abel. One of the ideas I’ve taken away is: when life isn’t going so well, even if it’s not your fault and you’re doing all the right things, it’s tempting to damn fate or God or the universe, it’s tempting to open the door to despair and bitterness when it comes knocking. But if you want to make things better, the only thing you can do is continue to act properly. Anything else will only make it worse.
Sorry for rambling, you just got me thinking.
Thanks again for reading! Hope you have a lovely weekend :)
Nice little ramble, all the same. The Cain&Abel story is short and sweet, and quite simple at first glance. Especially when you are introduced to it as a child. But my word, there is so much wisdom packed into those passages. I was gobsmacked when going through it again, first listening to J Peterson on the subject, and then reading through it again afterwards. So much of the human character is revealed within that story. I think I’ll have another look later. Just to top up on what I’ve learned, and continue to every time I do so. I am sure that this is a point in time that strengthening the spiritual side of all of our lives is crucial. We all need an anchor when the winds of change are becoming ever more forceful.
Haha I just listened to Peterson talking about it last week! so fascinating how he talks of its “incalculable depths”
One of those stories you can study forever and each time you find new levels to it
So bloody fascinating
Honestly I would have clapped if you had only written this.
"I never thought I would entertain the idea of strangling someone in such vivid detail. Until today.
I haven’t been able to write this week. Like at all. Like Kurt-Vonnegut-armless-legless-man-with-a-crayon-in-my-mouth level.
Well, I typed a whole whack of words but most of it was nonsense. In the literal way that it made no sense. Even Dr. Seuss would be envious."
Hahaha thanks so much Rick. It’s quite the opener although without the close loop it makes me sound like a violent serial killer 😆
Appreciate you reading :) hope you have a lovely November weekend
thank you Tommy. You as well
I really appreciate the stream of consciousness about what writers block can feel like. Thanks for sharing. And I relate so hard to not being able to write yet another thing if your last thing actually does well! It's so intimidating, every time. I wonder why...
Rey! Thank you so much for reading & the insightful reflection you left. Brought a smile to my face.
I’m exploring stream of consciousness writing but I also love beautiful, fluid prose. Still trying to find my voice, week by week, piece by piece.
Intimidating is right! For me, I think I begin to create expectations around my writing and focus too much on the fame & feedback rather than just falling into the process of writing.
It truly is just a humble act of beginning again each week. Having a short memory for both the successes and the failures.
Hope you have a lovely November weekend & thanks again for reading :)
Thanks so much for your reply, Tommy!
I recognize what I think is a pretty clear voice in your writing, if I may offer my opinion. Your voice seems curious, observant, perhaps with the beginner's mind of someone who is open to change but already having quite a lot of practice.
The expectations are intimidating, absolutely! Beginning fresh each week with little memory of the successes or failures seems like the best way to do it. I will try to work towards that.
Thanks again for your reply and hope you have a great week!
That’s super helpful to know Rey. Thank you :)
Sometimes I think I’m too curious for my own good, but your description feels fitting.
I’m trying to work towards it too. To the extent I can create without expectations, I think my writing will be better.
I was giving my love away to all the wrong people for a huge chunk of my life. You know the people that make you work for their love.
Ditch those types.
I have since filled my life with people who love like I do. Deeply and without judgment or expectation.
Now love is the easiest thing in my life. It requires no effort or doing. It just is what I am.
Lillian! Thank you so much for reading & the beautiful reflection.
“The people that make you work for their love” is so interesting. I was reading something similar: prioritize the people who make it easy for you to love them. Because even if you can win over the difficult ones, the relationship with be an imbalance of constantly trying to win their approval.
I love the story you shared. Sounds like you’ve been on quite the journey. Makes me happy to hear you’ve found people who love like you do. So special & so valuable in this life.
Hope you have a lovely weekend :)
Such an honest piece. There's so much that resonates. Thank you for sharing. What helps me is thinking about the netflix comedy special concept. Keep publishing knowing it's impossible for every single thing to be gold until you find all the gold. Then if you want hit after hit, know that you can recycle all the gold. Let me know if you ever want to talk through anything.
Thanks for reading Miche & really appreciate the kind words :)
Love the idea of looking at writing as a comedy special. Comics have hilarious stories of how they’ve flopped on some shows, even when they’re already successful!
Each piece is one shiny dime--one brick of your worldview. If you publish consistently you create a coliseum of ideas.
Hope you have a lovely weekend :)
“If you publish consistently you create a coliseum of ideas”
Love that
On writer's block, Louise Gluck wrote "I think this silkworm notion of diligence and productivity has done many writers real harm. They discover a style of speech or a subject and then just busily produce replicas. The periods of blankness and silence are desolating. But tell yourself the well is filling up (it is). At the end of a bad period or a silence something will have shifted, your work changed. I believe this passionately. I think everything good in my own work I owe to endurance." I recently read this in another piece, and loved it. "But tell yourself the well is filling up" is one of the most inspiring, refreshing, energetic, positive phrases I've ever read on the writing block subject.
It is indeed taxing to commit to a weekly schedule, as some weeks things are just not flowing. But the well is filling up. :)
Ah Silvio, I love that. Thank you for sharing my friend. Saving it to my notes!
Always impressed by how consistent you are (and have been for so long!)
Hope you have a lovely November weekend :)
Butt in chair is so hard! Great work doing it!
Thanks for reading Elizabeth and the kind note! Made me smile :) appreciate it !
Hang in there brother. Everything changes, everything that arises passes away, and that includes down cycles in your creativity. You’ve sold me on adding Patagonia to the bucket list. 🙏
Thank you Grant :)
funny enough, I did have a section on how creativity (like emotions) ebbs and flows and the key is to orbit those cycles with grace. Cut it in the edits (as well as 90% of the other words) but think you’re exactly right.
Thanks for reading. So good to hear from you! And yes, Patagonia is certainly special
“This Is Water” is one of my all-time favorite pieces of media. I haven’t listed to it every night for a week straight, but I did pay Little, Brown $10 to get the hardcover so that I could read it aloud to myself and become a better orator through osmosis.
Way to use your writer’s block as a writing prompt! I really enjoyed this piece, especially those italicized peeks into your fleeting thoughts. They are funny and completely relatable. Thanks for sharing this, enjoy your last week in Argentina!
Garrett! I love the idea of reading it yourself to become a better orator. That’s awesome.
One thing that surprised me was how much I noticed in the audio that I missed from reading it the first two times earlier this year. But similar to how they say you don’t really see something until you paint it, I think the more friction you can add, the more you absorb, notice the nuances.
Appreciate the kind words! I’m in a weird place with my writing voice. Before I was so obsessed with fluid introspective prose and I’m exploring more cluttered comedic writing ( bad at it). Not sure where I’ll end up but time will tell.
Hope you have a great weekend!
Interesting contrast between you beating yourself up for not being able to write anything and staying in Bariloche for another week because you knew it would make you happier. The true push / pull of doing what makes you happy versus what makes you fulfill personally-set obligations. Good luck winning the battle against yourself.
Kiera! That’s a super interesting callout.
I’m definitely trying to be more amenable to change instead of anchoring to past decisions, especially when I have much more information now than I did when I originally made the decision.
But with writing or work, I try to be more rigid / disciplined / consistent.
Perhaps the recipe is to have flexibility in some areas of life, rigidity in others.
Laughed at “Good luck winning the battle against yourself.” ... I’ll need it.
"As hard as it is. Because it is so hard. Love requires attention and awareness and discipline and, most of all, sacrifice. "
This sentence was extracted from my brain. Thanks Tommy you did it again.
Haha thank you Terra. This made me smile (:
Appreciate you
I'm glad you wrote this piece cause it was very relatable...also, some great moments in there. Do you think you can objectively judge your own writing though?
Thank you Rosana, for reading and the kind words :) brought a smile to my face
To answer your question, no I don’t think I can objectively judge my writing. Especially as I’ve given more to writing, it’s taken more of me. If anything I’ve become less and less objective, more and more consumed.
But to be honest, I also don’t think I can objectively judge anything
This piece is gold and it resonates so much. Loved this "Committing to writing is scary because what if writing doesn’t commit to me? What if it leaves me? What if I’m left empty-handed, grasping for words I can no longer find?" Bravo Tommy
Aw thanks Catalina :) it was a tough week to write so I extra appreciate the kind words
Glad you liked it