So warn, heartfelt and sincere! What a beautiful testament to your friendships, Tommy. Most likely, they will be lifelong friends. I hope they too enjoy this essay. No doubt, they know how much you care even before reading!!!
During our first group meeting, in our all-freshman dorm, one RA told us to look around the room. “Some of these people will be friends for the rest of your life.”
Prophetic.
We were teenagers. We could not fathom what it might mean to share decades of emotional moments with each other. I am grateful we were given that message at the beginning of that pivotal era.
The friendships that began during those four years have been among the most significant relationships I have ever enjoyed.
JT, I’m 57 now and have a half dozen life long friends with rich tapestries we’ve woven together, all since that first week as freshman when circumstance brought us together. From that point it was our choice that has created the richness with each other.
Thank you for writing such a beautiful piece - one that resonates intensely as someone who's only a few years removed from college.
As I was reading, your feelings reminded me of an adjacent emotion called fygophobia. It's not a formally recognized word, but rather one coined by John Koenig in his Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows and something I've written about previously while experiencing many of the same feelings you've expressed.
It's defined as "the fear that your connections with people will keep dwindling as you get older." I bring it up because for me, it's often been the underlying anxiety and frustration that this distancing will not slow down that actually makes what you've captured so well, worse. A state of denial surrounding such inevitability. Being more aware of my fygophobia makes room for acceptance that amidst reduced proximity and the chaos of our independent lives, strong connection can still endure.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to leave such a thoughtful reflection, Aaron.
One of the main reasons I write is to engage in intellectual/insightful dialogues like this. So this makes my life a lot richer.
Fygophobia sounds fascinating. People don't make up words enough. Heard an interesting theory that as vocabulary expands, our consciousness elevates as we have more precise language to describe what's occurring in our minds. Link the essay!
It's a definite fear for me (and backed by a lot of data lol). I watched both my parents pour their heart and soul into our nuclear family, but lost connection with friends as a result. My mom especially regrets not keeping tabs more often & losing touch with people. It's a tricky trade-off to think about.
It's so funny. I try to solve so many things in life but often simply bringing awareness to the emotion is 99% of the battle.
Fully agree, and it's in many ways special that you've had the ability to observe such tradeoffs firsthand. I'm also a firm believer in your point about vocabulary and that's the model I've adopted for my writing (choose a unique word that labels a complex emotion relevant in my life, then dive into it) - largely in thanks to Koenig's full dictionary of such interesting words.
Talking about Trudeau and our cartels, the Habs beating the Leafs, going to Banff with the boys, going to Cuba, playing Euchre, The Town Crier.
Some overt and likely intentional as a nod to the Great White North, but others subtle and perhaps slipped out undetected. Warmly, cozily, and distinctly Canadian.
This is a beautiful ode to your friends, Tommy. I too struggle with texting and calling. I will think a week has passed and 3 months will go by before I realize the lapse in communication. Sometimes, it seems easier to write an essay that an a halfhearted text - I feel encouraged to write to my friends now that way I can communicate in the best way I know.
I was teary eyed at the end. I loved every second of this.
Your comment made me think of your essay last week. Writing an essay to tell someone how much you love/appreciate them. Because it’s harder to do it verbally or over text and the long form written word is how you tap into your heart and full expression and say what you feel & want to express.
Appreciate you reading & taking the time to leave a note :) adds joy to my day
Old paintings with new brushstrokes got me good, I’m not much of a texter myself and will come back to this piece because it holds 7tons of emotional impact in 3 minutes of reading. A good reminder that any limitation you fight for you get to keep, and I don’t want to fight for “being a bad texter”, I want to fight for my friends!
Alex, thank you for the kind words & such a beautiful reflection.
I’m happy that line resonated - I thought it captured the essence of the feeling well.
“Any limitation you fight for you get to keep” is so good. We place our own limitations on ourselves. I try to be especially careful in the spoken word, as thoughts can be harmless but once I start stating out loud and telling people “this is what I do” or “this is what I can’t do” I’m in trouble.
Thank you for taking the time to read & engage with my ideas. Means a lot :)
Bittersweet and beautiful ! I love how your words explore the depth and timelessness of these truths for many of us, doesn’t matter how old a person is.
So interesting on the timelessness. There’s some miraculous about our shared human experience. We think we’re all individuals and unique and alone until we open our hearts and realize that other people are feeling and experiencing the exact same things we are.
As a fun update - I’ve been doing a ton of iPhone photography these past few weeks and sharing it on Twitter/instagram.
Thank you for supporting my work & your kind words.
Well I certainly understand that! I’ll miss checking in on your videos and photos tho. I only do for 5 min every other day myself, and have a very small acct.
Thank you for sharing your story! So agree that friendship grounds us with great memories. Happy to hear that you were able to connect with your buddies on Facetime. Also appreciate your call to action to call a friend!! Traveling with some life-long girlfriends in a couple of weeks. We travel together for a long-weekend every-other year and one of us organizes. Having these trips keep us connected in between the trips.
I find it’s so easy to get lost in my own world when I’m not within proximity of friends but when I do get my head out of the sand, connecting with them is so nourishing.
I love that idea of recurring trips. I think a lot of friend groups have that idea but the commitment to stick with it & make it happen is often overlooked. So cool.
Thank you for reading my work & taking the time to share your thoughts. Makes my life richer :)
So warn, heartfelt and sincere! What a beautiful testament to your friendships, Tommy. Most likely, they will be lifelong friends. I hope they too enjoy this essay. No doubt, they know how much you care even before reading!!!
Thanks Mom :) I thought a lot about you writing this on not letting friendships atrophy as you get older.
Love you lots
warm*
Man, I love this. Almost brought a tear to my eye. Beautifully written with a profoundly strong message.
Thanks Jackie boy. Was thinking of your uni memories as well when I wrote this. Hope it kindled some old memories :)
Indeed it did. The pictures really elevated this piece too, added to much meaning and emotion to the words.
Wasn’t sure if it was too many but happy it added to the piece :) I guess this essay is worth 10,000 words with all the pics ...
Beautiful!
Thanks Dad :) appreciate it
This was an incredible read thank you for sharing
Thanks Hao Hao! Always brings a smile to my face hearing from you.
Appreciate it my friend
During our first group meeting, in our all-freshman dorm, one RA told us to look around the room. “Some of these people will be friends for the rest of your life.”
Prophetic.
We were teenagers. We could not fathom what it might mean to share decades of emotional moments with each other. I am grateful we were given that message at the beginning of that pivotal era.
The friendships that began during those four years have been among the most significant relationships I have ever enjoyed.
Thank you for reminding me of this gift, Tommy.
What a beautiful memory J.T. Thank you for sharing :)
The first year of school is such a formative yet challenging time. The best experience I would never want to do again.
It’s funny how those messages always make more sense looking back. It’s hard to really appreciate their weight in the moment.
It makes me smile to know you’ve shared a similar experience forging great friendships through school.
Really appreciate you reading my work and taking the time to engage with my ideas. As an early writer, it means a lot to me.
JT, I’m 57 now and have a half dozen life long friends with rich tapestries we’ve woven together, all since that first week as freshman when circumstance brought us together. From that point it was our choice that has created the richness with each other.
James, what a rare and wonderful bond you have built with your friends!
I love that James. Circumstance brought you together, but after that you did the work yourself.
I almost sensed a comment here on free will... Fate brings us to the fountain, but we have to drink.
Beautiful words :)
TOMMYYY this is so pure 😭I read it to Murray
Kristyn! So glad you enjoyed it (: makes me smile
Haha that’s awesome. Hope Murray enjoyed it too!
Beautifully written, Tommy! Very moving and love the photos you wove into the piece.
Also, as a Montrealer the “Montreal?!” comment made me laugh. 😂
Haha thanks Ali ! Appreciate you reading & the kind words :)
Admittedly I was once a Habs fan.
Wow this had me teary eyed at the end!
Aw thank you Heather! That’s one of the best compliments I can get on a piece like this
Appreciate you reading :)
Such a warm tapestry on friendship. Made me smile hard this Sunday morning.
Aw thanks Yehudis. It was my first time writing on friendship so was a bit nervous but I’m so glad you enjoyed it :)
Thank you for writing such a beautiful piece - one that resonates intensely as someone who's only a few years removed from college.
As I was reading, your feelings reminded me of an adjacent emotion called fygophobia. It's not a formally recognized word, but rather one coined by John Koenig in his Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows and something I've written about previously while experiencing many of the same feelings you've expressed.
It's defined as "the fear that your connections with people will keep dwindling as you get older." I bring it up because for me, it's often been the underlying anxiety and frustration that this distancing will not slow down that actually makes what you've captured so well, worse. A state of denial surrounding such inevitability. Being more aware of my fygophobia makes room for acceptance that amidst reduced proximity and the chaos of our independent lives, strong connection can still endure.
Thank you again.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to leave such a thoughtful reflection, Aaron.
One of the main reasons I write is to engage in intellectual/insightful dialogues like this. So this makes my life a lot richer.
Fygophobia sounds fascinating. People don't make up words enough. Heard an interesting theory that as vocabulary expands, our consciousness elevates as we have more precise language to describe what's occurring in our minds. Link the essay!
It's a definite fear for me (and backed by a lot of data lol). I watched both my parents pour their heart and soul into our nuclear family, but lost connection with friends as a result. My mom especially regrets not keeping tabs more often & losing touch with people. It's a tricky trade-off to think about.
It's so funny. I try to solve so many things in life but often simply bringing awareness to the emotion is 99% of the battle.
Thanks again man. Appreciate your thoughts !
Fully agree, and it's in many ways special that you've had the ability to observe such tradeoffs firsthand. I'm also a firm believer in your point about vocabulary and that's the model I've adopted for my writing (choose a unique word that labels a complex emotion relevant in my life, then dive into it) - largely in thanks to Koenig's full dictionary of such interesting words.
Essay about fygophobia is linked here: https://lifeandlingo.substack.com/p/spinning-around-until-we-all-fall
Great essay, touching and relatable with a distinctly Canadian affect
Thanks Leber! Really appreciate you reading & taking the time to leave a kind note :)
Hahaha - out of curiosity, what’s the Canadian affect?
Talking about Trudeau and our cartels, the Habs beating the Leafs, going to Banff with the boys, going to Cuba, playing Euchre, The Town Crier.
Some overt and likely intentional as a nod to the Great White North, but others subtle and perhaps slipped out undetected. Warmly, cozily, and distinctly Canadian.
That’s awesome. Stoked you picked up on all that :) Canadian indeed. pretty cool to see.
Appreciate you
This is a beautiful ode to your friends, Tommy. I too struggle with texting and calling. I will think a week has passed and 3 months will go by before I realize the lapse in communication. Sometimes, it seems easier to write an essay that an a halfhearted text - I feel encouraged to write to my friends now that way I can communicate in the best way I know.
I was teary eyed at the end. I loved every second of this.
Aw thanks Haley :)
Your comment made me think of your essay last week. Writing an essay to tell someone how much you love/appreciate them. Because it’s harder to do it verbally or over text and the long form written word is how you tap into your heart and full expression and say what you feel & want to express.
Appreciate you reading & taking the time to leave a note :) adds joy to my day
Old paintings with new brushstrokes got me good, I’m not much of a texter myself and will come back to this piece because it holds 7tons of emotional impact in 3 minutes of reading. A good reminder that any limitation you fight for you get to keep, and I don’t want to fight for “being a bad texter”, I want to fight for my friends!
Thanks for sharing <3
Alex, thank you for the kind words & such a beautiful reflection.
I’m happy that line resonated - I thought it captured the essence of the feeling well.
“Any limitation you fight for you get to keep” is so good. We place our own limitations on ourselves. I try to be especially careful in the spoken word, as thoughts can be harmless but once I start stating out loud and telling people “this is what I do” or “this is what I can’t do” I’m in trouble.
Thank you for taking the time to read & engage with my ideas. Means a lot :)
The pleasure is mine ^^
Wasn’t hell to write 😀.
And the lay-up: “ I just want my friends to know I love them.”
Awesome.
Thank you James :) appreciate you taking the time to read & your friendship.
I have a natural tendency to make things as hard on myself as possible, and I’m slowly learning that effort doesn’t always lead to quality.
Bittersweet and beautiful ! I love how your words explore the depth and timelessness of these truths for many of us, doesn’t matter how old a person is.
Kim! It’s so good to hear from you :)
So interesting on the timelessness. There’s some miraculous about our shared human experience. We think we’re all individuals and unique and alone until we open our hearts and realize that other people are feeling and experiencing the exact same things we are.
As a fun update - I’ve been doing a ton of iPhone photography these past few weeks and sharing it on Twitter/instagram.
Thank you for supporting my work & your kind words.
I’ll find you on Instagram! Love to see your photos!!!
I’m @tommy_dixon__
I post daily videos but also my four best photos from every week on Sundays :)
Love your video posts too, thank you
I actually just deleted instagram this week. I’m disappointed I won’t finish my videos for the whole trip but needed a break :/
Well I certainly understand that! I’ll miss checking in on your videos and photos tho. I only do for 5 min every other day myself, and have a very small acct.
Thank you for sharing your story! So agree that friendship grounds us with great memories. Happy to hear that you were able to connect with your buddies on Facetime. Also appreciate your call to action to call a friend!! Traveling with some life-long girlfriends in a couple of weeks. We travel together for a long-weekend every-other year and one of us organizes. Having these trips keep us connected in between the trips.
Hey Cj! Thanks for the kind note.
I find it’s so easy to get lost in my own world when I’m not within proximity of friends but when I do get my head out of the sand, connecting with them is so nourishing.
I love that idea of recurring trips. I think a lot of friend groups have that idea but the commitment to stick with it & make it happen is often overlooked. So cool.
Thank you for reading my work & taking the time to share your thoughts. Makes my life richer :)