I’ve never known what to make of the dead week between Christmas and New Years. Part post-holiday blues. Where the red, white, green lights and inflatable Santas and songs that sound like childhood as they crackle over the radio change from glorious to grotesque. Where the turn of the calendar looms large in my mind. The future pulled entirely into the present.
Stunning, Tommy. I know for sure that over the course of this past year, your writing has grown more beautiful with every word. I also know that through our interactions and brief and as virtual as they may be that you do dance with the unknown, orbit gracefully, and trust in all that is difficult and pained. Happy new year, friend.
I get a lot of inspiration and courage from your writing. Thank you for helping me grow this year. I still don’t believe that I didn’t know you at the start of last year.
I'm raising a glass to the potholes and plot holes that you've so eloquently shared in the last year and those that are thankfully still to come. Because without them, what would we write about? I celebrate your inspired commitment to this work. Happy New Year.
Ah I love that Rick. Thank you for being such a kind and thoughtful supporter of me & my work this year.
I completely agree on potholes and plot holes. Without walking the line between the known and the unknown, without having your feet on the ground and head in the sky, life would be far too boring.
I hope you have a lovely start to your new year. I’m so excited for what you have to come.
Beautiful essay pal. Your writing continues to impress and inspire me, leaving an imprint on my brain with each word. Maybe you don’t need to look for anything, but need to just be. And to love the day to day experience of being.
~The next week, I met an older German man who was once a monk, meditating fourteen hours a day, sleeping three. He had a single tattoo: the Pali symbol for impermanence, sprawled in dark ink across his forearm. (naturally, I joked the tattoo was permanent, which he didn’t think was as amusing as I did).~
I can't remember the last time I actually took a full pause and LOL'ed. Probably says more about my sense of humor than anything, but worth a comment and more :)
Haha Rocky, it’s so good to hear from you man. Thank you for reading & I’m happy you enjoyed that bit. Was a little awkward in person but the funniest stories usually are.
Hope you’re keeping well & we can see each other again soon.
I am left with a need to create and 'make an effort' after reading this. Have you considered a part time pursuit of life coach? I think you might be good at it. Also, laughed out loud at 'find a rock and push it up a hill'
Haha thanks Rosana! It always brings a smile to my face hearing from ya.
I’ve never considered being a life coach but been curious to work with one. Although I was told recently I’d be a good psychologist because I’m a great conversationalist and then I made a joke about needing a psychologist etc
"If it’s written in the stars or it’s me staring up and squinting my eyes, tracing my own constellations."
"But my endless and proper work is to dance with the unknown, orbit gently through the highs and lows, and always, always, trust in what is difficult. "
Humans are bad at predicting the future, especially bad at estimatibg risks, and they under estimating what will make them happy. People are more averse to the idea of loss than they are to entertaining gains. People are very poor decision-makers, in other words.
Alas, merely being aware of our flaws and foibles doesn't fix them. (That's why the self help book world still thrives.)
Fortunately, people are adept at rationalizing their decisions, whether a new staff hire, buying a home or pair of shoes, or choosing a partner. We tend to mentally reinforce the rightness of our decisions post hoc. We are very good at doing this. 😁
“I’m not sure if the childhood promise that “You can be anything you want,” is a blessing or a curse.” UGH so true, Tommy. The overwhelming amount of possibilities has only started to weigh on me since graduating. Going from a life that was always planned out for you and structured to a T, to one where you’re on your own to make all the decisions about your life and what to do with it is, sure very exciting, but so terrifying and anxiety inducing at the same time. You’re not alone in that, my friend.
Congratulations on all your accomplishments this year! I’m definitely glad you stuck to writing because reading your posts always puts a smile on my face. Thanks for being you!!
The clubs, hobbies, classes I did in university that made up who I am feel meaningless outside of the bubble of school. I no longer have a set schedule to give structure to my day. It’s largely up to me.
I also don’t really know how I want to curate a realistic routine that incorporates everything I want to do.
It’s a confusing stage where identity is muddled and there are infinite possibilities to what you can do and what they will make you become.
We have so much say in who we become that it's terrifying. (But obviously also exciting.)
Thank you for your always so thoughtful comments & taking the time to engage with my ideas and make me a little smarter. Really appreciate all your support Rachel.
I read your essay and gasped many times over phrases and ideas that you crafted with such a deft hand. I am grateful for your writing, Tommy.
As for the unexpected, a paved, straight road that can be viewed in its entirety would be dull indeed. As much as I reeled from some of last year’s shocks and whirlwinds, I also appreciated the gifts that appeared without fanfare.
Happy new year, Tommy. It's been such a great year getting to know you and read your writing and chatting. Hoping for more creative collisions this year with you :)
If I were to wish you something that I would wish for my kids or myself, it's to NOT find what you’re looking for, Tommy. This might sound out of whack, but I think at the end of the day, it is the essence of life: looking for something. Getting close, but not quite there. And while at it, learning and growing and evolving and maturing emotionally. This is the magic of being a seeker. The moment you find that something, the magic ends. And you need something else to find, to keep at it, and let the magic continue. Life is an asymptote, you can get close to something but never really there. While this may sound frustrating, it is the beauty of being alive. I know it’s hard to grasp in your early twenties when you’d like to take over the world and find your true, stable self. But you’re a smart and sensitive human. Just my two cents.
Silvio, it’s so good to hear from you. Thank you for reading and leaving such a beautiful reflection, as always.
I took some time to sit with your words. Let them settle. I agree with you completely on loving the journey of seeking of striving. I know logically and I’m just starting to know intuitively that there is no arrival, no end state, no destination.
I read some recent psychology literature that align with your words exactly. Humans feel positive emotion from the feeling of forward motion towards a high aim. We get little to no positive emotion from achievement. Sometimes negative emotion as we now are burdened with finding a new worthy thing to strive for.
Perhaps I was trying to capture this deep feeling of looking, of seeking, but also knowing there may be nothing to “find”.
Wishing you a lovely start to your new year Silvio (:
Your writing is gorgeous, Tommy. And my God! You did all of that this year!! My essay this week (coming Tuesday) touches on my struggle with FOMO and I have to say that I may need to add a part on reading this and thinking, “I want to have done all those things” - not that I want to do them, but that I want to have done them 😂😂😂😅
It’s so funny. I was just talking with my brother about how it’s been 8 months since I graduated and it doesn’t feel like I’ve done much.
I really resonate with that feeling--struggled a lot with FOMO. So much I want to do but haven’t. I just have to keep pulling myself back to loving my timeline because it’s intimately my own. If I won’t take ownership and love my timeline, who will?
Hahaaa the grass is always greener, isn't it? I love my life in the day to day. I don't actually crave adventure as much as I crave stability, and a life that others might actually find fairly cookie-cutter. And yet, when I read something someone else has done, I'm so easily distracted from my own timeline. I'm finding that at least I now have an awareness of that distraction so that I don't fall down a rabbit hole of dreaming about living someone else's life when I don't actually even want it.
I've actually added a link to your essay in mine, and touched on it. It should go live next week. Hope your New Year starts off beautifully. Are you still in Argentina?
It's been exciting to watch your writing evolve over this year. I was inspired by the depth/range of your last post. Your dedication and focus show (from Zoom meeting notes to annual reflections). It makes sense that you're feeling the taste gap; as you practice and hone your craft, you become more perceptive to the writing that speaks to you. I find that the more I write, the bigger and bigger the gap grows. It's kind of a funny paradox; as you improve in the eyes of others, it's hard to see it in yourself. But as long as you feel the slope (you've got the slope), you're in the right direction. Imagine your page metaphor but in years instead of days. Where will that slope take you in 10 years? I don't mean that in a goal-setting sense, but in the intuition in how you're ability to articulate and express will compound when you stick to something you love. Keep it up!
Micheal! Thank you for reading & taking the time to leave such a thoughtful reflection. Brought a big smile to my face to see your name in the comments.
It’s funny how we only notice progress in years, but it’s imperceptible or even nonexistent on a small day by day basis. Growth becomes increasingly obvious the longer the time scale I suppose.
I’ve definitely poured more time to writing and journaling this year than any. It means a lot coming from you that I’ve improved. Editing +150 essays through write of passage this year certainly helped.
I definitely agree with you on taste gap. It’s like you can’t fully appreciate how great the great writers are until you wade sufficiently far into the craft. Now I read Fitzgerald or Jane Austen or Richard Powers... and I’m like “how the heck do they do that??” Before writing every day, I’d take much for granted. I suppose that same ignorance still applies to me when I go to an art museum or classical concert. I have no idea of what discipline and skill excellence demands.
I was talking with a friend about how many great writers don’t pen their masterpieces till their 40’s or 50’s. Writers skew older, generally.
The notion of writing a book kinda bursts the bounds of my brain but who knows in a decade?
Thanks again for the note & hope you have a lovely start to your new year
Ah I like that so much Bess. I think you captured exactly the idea I was trying to get at: despite my earnest efforts to forecast the future I’m unconsciously biased to think the future will look like the past. Like I’ll remain the same person tomorrow as I am today.
But in reality I’ll change and life will change in so many unpredicted ways. I don’t think this makes planning irrelevant, but it does make frustration about plans not coming to fruition silly.
Thanks so much for reading. I’ll make sure to check out your essay (:
Stunning, Tommy. I know for sure that over the course of this past year, your writing has grown more beautiful with every word. I also know that through our interactions and brief and as virtual as they may be that you do dance with the unknown, orbit gracefully, and trust in all that is difficult and pained. Happy new year, friend.
Thanks so much Haley (:
I get a lot of inspiration and courage from your writing. Thank you for helping me grow this year. I still don’t believe that I didn’t know you at the start of last year.
Hope you have a great new year
Wishing you peace, love and contentment in the coming year, Tommy. Your writing is evolving beautifully. Super proud of you.
Thanks Dad (: peace, love and contentment sounds about all I need. Thank you for your kind words. Your support seriously means a lot.
I'm raising a glass to the potholes and plot holes that you've so eloquently shared in the last year and those that are thankfully still to come. Because without them, what would we write about? I celebrate your inspired commitment to this work. Happy New Year.
Ah I love that Rick. Thank you for being such a kind and thoughtful supporter of me & my work this year.
I completely agree on potholes and plot holes. Without walking the line between the known and the unknown, without having your feet on the ground and head in the sky, life would be far too boring.
I hope you have a lovely start to your new year. I’m so excited for what you have to come.
Beautiful essay pal. Your writing continues to impress and inspire me, leaving an imprint on my brain with each word. Maybe you don’t need to look for anything, but need to just be. And to love the day to day experience of being.
Thanks so much Jackie boy. I agree completely. Perhaps all I’m looking for is to really see what’s in front of me.
Appreciate you always supporting my work. Means the world
~The next week, I met an older German man who was once a monk, meditating fourteen hours a day, sleeping three. He had a single tattoo: the Pali symbol for impermanence, sprawled in dark ink across his forearm. (naturally, I joked the tattoo was permanent, which he didn’t think was as amusing as I did).~
I can't remember the last time I actually took a full pause and LOL'ed. Probably says more about my sense of humor than anything, but worth a comment and more :)
Haha Rocky, it’s so good to hear from you man. Thank you for reading & I’m happy you enjoyed that bit. Was a little awkward in person but the funniest stories usually are.
Hope you’re keeping well & we can see each other again soon.
I am left with a need to create and 'make an effort' after reading this. Have you considered a part time pursuit of life coach? I think you might be good at it. Also, laughed out loud at 'find a rock and push it up a hill'
Haha thanks Rosana! It always brings a smile to my face hearing from ya.
I’ve never considered being a life coach but been curious to work with one. Although I was told recently I’d be a good psychologist because I’m a great conversationalist and then I made a joke about needing a psychologist etc
Hope you find a good rock to push up a hill (:
"If it’s written in the stars or it’s me staring up and squinting my eyes, tracing my own constellations."
"But my endless and proper work is to dance with the unknown, orbit gently through the highs and lows, and always, always, trust in what is difficult. "
Beautifully said !Exclamation point.
Thank you Terra (: every comment from you brings a smile to my face
your essays bring a smile to my face as well. I'm glad we can connect through our words of inspiration and reflection.
Humans are bad at predicting the future, especially bad at estimatibg risks, and they under estimating what will make them happy. People are more averse to the idea of loss than they are to entertaining gains. People are very poor decision-makers, in other words.
Completely agree Caz. Think you summarized the core idea of many of these behavioural analysis and economics types books.
Interestingly even being aware of our biases and blind spots doesn’t seem to do much the alleviate them.
Perhaps it’s just more a forgiveness and lenience with ourselves that we’re doing the best we can but we’re not perfect.
Really appreciate you reading my work & the thoughtful note (:
Alas, merely being aware of our flaws and foibles doesn't fix them. (That's why the self help book world still thrives.)
Fortunately, people are adept at rationalizing their decisions, whether a new staff hire, buying a home or pair of shoes, or choosing a partner. We tend to mentally reinforce the rightness of our decisions post hoc. We are very good at doing this. 😁
the fact that this is written so genuinely only makes it funnier @tommy ...I'm now glad to have 'left' a corporate job
Haha thanks Rosana! I’m glad you enjoyed it (: means a lot coming from you
I’m trying to make a right-left joke but it’s late and I’m fading... if anything comes to me I’ll have to come back to this
“I’m not sure if the childhood promise that “You can be anything you want,” is a blessing or a curse.” UGH so true, Tommy. The overwhelming amount of possibilities has only started to weigh on me since graduating. Going from a life that was always planned out for you and structured to a T, to one where you’re on your own to make all the decisions about your life and what to do with it is, sure very exciting, but so terrifying and anxiety inducing at the same time. You’re not alone in that, my friend.
Congratulations on all your accomplishments this year! I’m definitely glad you stuck to writing because reading your posts always puts a smile on my face. Thanks for being you!!
I really resonate with that Rachel.
The clubs, hobbies, classes I did in university that made up who I am feel meaningless outside of the bubble of school. I no longer have a set schedule to give structure to my day. It’s largely up to me.
I also don’t really know how I want to curate a realistic routine that incorporates everything I want to do.
It’s a confusing stage where identity is muddled and there are infinite possibilities to what you can do and what they will make you become.
We have so much say in who we become that it's terrifying. (But obviously also exciting.)
Thank you for your always so thoughtful comments & taking the time to engage with my ideas and make me a little smarter. Really appreciate all your support Rachel.
Thanks for being awesome
I read your essay and gasped many times over phrases and ideas that you crafted with such a deft hand. I am grateful for your writing, Tommy.
As for the unexpected, a paved, straight road that can be viewed in its entirety would be dull indeed. As much as I reeled from some of last year’s shocks and whirlwinds, I also appreciated the gifts that appeared without fanfare.
Happy 2024! May we ride the waves with glee.
Thanks so much J.T.
Brought a big smile to my face to see your name in the comments. I really appreciate your support with my writing & my creativity in general
I feel exactly the same as you about my last year. Shocks, whirlwinds and gifts in all. Trying to take it all as it comes.
Hope you have a beautiful start to your year. Very glad we got to meet along 2023’s brick road
Happy new year, Tommy. It's been such a great year getting to know you and read your writing and chatting. Hoping for more creative collisions this year with you :)
Thanks Becky (: and yes crazy to think I just met you this year
Your kind words, feedback and general good vibes have made my year brighter. Hope you have a lovely start to 2024
If I were to wish you something that I would wish for my kids or myself, it's to NOT find what you’re looking for, Tommy. This might sound out of whack, but I think at the end of the day, it is the essence of life: looking for something. Getting close, but not quite there. And while at it, learning and growing and evolving and maturing emotionally. This is the magic of being a seeker. The moment you find that something, the magic ends. And you need something else to find, to keep at it, and let the magic continue. Life is an asymptote, you can get close to something but never really there. While this may sound frustrating, it is the beauty of being alive. I know it’s hard to grasp in your early twenties when you’d like to take over the world and find your true, stable self. But you’re a smart and sensitive human. Just my two cents.
Be a seeker.
Happy New Year my friend.
Silvio, it’s so good to hear from you. Thank you for reading and leaving such a beautiful reflection, as always.
I took some time to sit with your words. Let them settle. I agree with you completely on loving the journey of seeking of striving. I know logically and I’m just starting to know intuitively that there is no arrival, no end state, no destination.
I read some recent psychology literature that align with your words exactly. Humans feel positive emotion from the feeling of forward motion towards a high aim. We get little to no positive emotion from achievement. Sometimes negative emotion as we now are burdened with finding a new worthy thing to strive for.
Perhaps I was trying to capture this deep feeling of looking, of seeking, but also knowing there may be nothing to “find”.
Wishing you a lovely start to your new year Silvio (:
Your writing is gorgeous, Tommy. And my God! You did all of that this year!! My essay this week (coming Tuesday) touches on my struggle with FOMO and I have to say that I may need to add a part on reading this and thinking, “I want to have done all those things” - not that I want to do them, but that I want to have done them 😂😂😂😅
Noha! Ahh it’s so good to hear from you.
It’s so funny. I was just talking with my brother about how it’s been 8 months since I graduated and it doesn’t feel like I’ve done much.
I really resonate with that feeling--struggled a lot with FOMO. So much I want to do but haven’t. I just have to keep pulling myself back to loving my timeline because it’s intimately my own. If I won’t take ownership and love my timeline, who will?
Hope you have a lovely start to your new year (:
Thanks again
Hahaaa the grass is always greener, isn't it? I love my life in the day to day. I don't actually crave adventure as much as I crave stability, and a life that others might actually find fairly cookie-cutter. And yet, when I read something someone else has done, I'm so easily distracted from my own timeline. I'm finding that at least I now have an awareness of that distraction so that I don't fall down a rabbit hole of dreaming about living someone else's life when I don't actually even want it.
I've actually added a link to your essay in mine, and touched on it. It should go live next week. Hope your New Year starts off beautifully. Are you still in Argentina?
That silly cliche proves to be frustratingly true huh.
And you’re so right. It’s not like I’d trade my life for anyone else’s if I had the choice. I wouldn’t do a 100% swap.
So it doesn’t make sense to beat myself up by cherry-picking the bits and pieces of the best parts of lives of others. Doesn’t work that way.
Often I’ve found I don’t need to solve problems or change emotions. All I need is simple awareness and that makes them dissipate on their own.
I’m in Toronto for the holidays with family! But back on the road again soon...
It's been exciting to watch your writing evolve over this year. I was inspired by the depth/range of your last post. Your dedication and focus show (from Zoom meeting notes to annual reflections). It makes sense that you're feeling the taste gap; as you practice and hone your craft, you become more perceptive to the writing that speaks to you. I find that the more I write, the bigger and bigger the gap grows. It's kind of a funny paradox; as you improve in the eyes of others, it's hard to see it in yourself. But as long as you feel the slope (you've got the slope), you're in the right direction. Imagine your page metaphor but in years instead of days. Where will that slope take you in 10 years? I don't mean that in a goal-setting sense, but in the intuition in how you're ability to articulate and express will compound when you stick to something you love. Keep it up!
Micheal! Thank you for reading & taking the time to leave such a thoughtful reflection. Brought a big smile to my face to see your name in the comments.
It’s funny how we only notice progress in years, but it’s imperceptible or even nonexistent on a small day by day basis. Growth becomes increasingly obvious the longer the time scale I suppose.
I’ve definitely poured more time to writing and journaling this year than any. It means a lot coming from you that I’ve improved. Editing +150 essays through write of passage this year certainly helped.
I definitely agree with you on taste gap. It’s like you can’t fully appreciate how great the great writers are until you wade sufficiently far into the craft. Now I read Fitzgerald or Jane Austen or Richard Powers... and I’m like “how the heck do they do that??” Before writing every day, I’d take much for granted. I suppose that same ignorance still applies to me when I go to an art museum or classical concert. I have no idea of what discipline and skill excellence demands.
I was talking with a friend about how many great writers don’t pen their masterpieces till their 40’s or 50’s. Writers skew older, generally.
The notion of writing a book kinda bursts the bounds of my brain but who knows in a decade?
Thanks again for the note & hope you have a lovely start to your new year
Reminds me a lot about some articles I read about our inability to predict what our future selves will do or want (and also how bad we are at actually analyzing how we’ve changed and how we might change). Wrote about them here: https://open.substack.com/pub/bessstillman/p/remembering-things-that-havent-happened?r=16l8ek&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
People are statistical prediction machines who aren’t very good at it when we turn the mechanics on ourselves.
Ah I like that so much Bess. I think you captured exactly the idea I was trying to get at: despite my earnest efforts to forecast the future I’m unconsciously biased to think the future will look like the past. Like I’ll remain the same person tomorrow as I am today.
But in reality I’ll change and life will change in so many unpredicted ways. I don’t think this makes planning irrelevant, but it does make frustration about plans not coming to fruition silly.
Thanks so much for reading. I’ll make sure to check out your essay (:
I hope you have a lovely start to your new year