Very well written. I sooooo agree the meaning of life is not to avoid pain but to embrace the pain that change may bring. We may want less or desire to live a simpler less materialistic life but we must embrace all the colors of the rainbow that life has to offer. Enjoy the ride for sitting on the sidelines is a close cousin to laying in a coffin. Recently I have really been contemplating the word Distraction...how many things do we do each day that create distraction. Distraction from all that beauty life has to offer to sidestep the pain of really feeling all the feels :-) Phone addiction, work addiction, Netflix binging has become a great distraction so many people are embracing to forget the pain of a sh*t job, or a less than ideal relationship...or heck just work more and more...western society frames you as a super hero now you worked 80 hrs last week. I think these are all forms of laziness in avoiding the variety of amazing feelings life can become if you're open to remove distraction and look around. Warning you may see things you don't like, what to feel but you will definitely feel more alive in this short life we have. I think the "Phone Pacifier" paints a great picture of the majority of us living a distracted life...(Upgrading to paid).
Desire has gotten a bad rap, as has the fashion to stifle all emotions, to closet them as the enemy. I agree Tommy, to desire the right things is essential to leading a fulfilling life. To feel desire, like to err, is human. Risk, action, boldness, a robust vitality, even anger, properly channeled at the right time, are all essential to a healthy, happy life. Love, ah love, to desire the happiness of another……..”to have loved and lost is better than to never have loved at all” - Shakespeare.
Really enjoyed this piece Tommy. We are not meant to kill desire but learn to desire the things which are good for us.
As for the conclusion: "And I stand for falling in love. With people, sure. That’s easy. But also with meadows and rivers and sequoia trees and candlelight and clay coffee cups and dog-eared notebooks and the click of my favorite pen. And especially with effort."
I will slightly disagree with you on this point. My observation is that it might be easy to fall in love with people, but it's difficult to actually LOVE people in an ongoing way. It is costly and requires an un-self-focusness.
So maybe we have to learn to desire to love others even when it costs us?
Thank you A. A. Appreciate you reading and your insight here (:
I totally agree with you on the last point. I think that we struggle immensely to love our neighbours, Jesus’ one main commandment, and even to love those close to us. Love is hard. But maybe our salvation depends on it.
‘Love each other as I have loved you ‘.. or words to that effect, it depends on which Bible you read, but the message is clear, and a tall order, or impossible as the disciples said.. but not for his father.. so we must try, fail, and try again.
Great piece of writing, Tommy. You come across as very relaxed, and self assured, mo chāra.
Beautifully written. My understanding of non-attachment isn't about not feeling, or avoiding loving deeply, but instead, not grasping. You are borrowing the person, situation, experience, feeling. It's temporary, and you try to keep that wisdom forefront. Viewing something as borrowed makes you appreciate it more. You don't take it for granted. You are glad you got to borrow it at all. And when it's time to let go, you can still feel pain, but you understand it wasn't yours from the start.
Thanks Mikaela (: appreciate you reading and your insightful words here.
Perhaps we’re just using different definitions. I’ve found people often disagree because they’re talking about different things. If they had the same definition, they would agree.
However, if I borrow my brother’s winter coat, although I may be grateful, I certainly do not love it as I love my own. But maybe it’s different.
I was in my 20’s in the ‘90’s and everything was risk (in some ways I wish I was more risk averse than I was!)
Desire is perhaps my greatest friend; all the weird, wonderful, terrifying and growth-inducing places it’s taken me. The idea of being without desire feels like being without a heart beat.
Without the desire for something, where does motivation come from?
Perhaps the trick is to desire something and then let go of ever having it. The this-and paradigm/paradox.
As a parent, I’m probably in the dissenting minority, but being a parent hasn’t been the greatest meaning making experience of my life. It’s been the most destructive and challenging. I’ve been flung open, broken into my smallest pieces and found the far edges of my limits. I don’t think there’s ever been the personal resources to meaning-make in that space (ie, there’s really not space!)
I know my experience is not everyone’s but it’s worth considering that having kids is not always the best thing someone can do. Not the greatest joy.
That’s not to say I ever not loved my son. He’s 20 now and as an adult (where I’m no longer responsible) we do meaning-making together through glorious, depth conversations.
This was such a fantastic read and a timely one in that. This was interestingly one of my main criticisms of the detachment narrative. We’re flesh and blood humans, and I think its a bit much to think that we can be more than that. We’re supposed to go after crazy thing, have regrets, become miserable from time to time, not because we’re bad people, but simpler because we’re people.
I read a book by a Thai forest monk and found it very instructive, however I disagreed with the idea that the body is unclean. Enter the goddess. As the master of desire we are free. It's being a slave to desire that can get into addiction. We are a part of the earth and with this comes the ability to feel. Feel more. Meditation allows me to feel and notice how I am conditioned to stop feeling before the unpleasant feelings. The more I look inside the better I am at l taking the right risks and enjoying the adventure, and the better I am at forgiving myself when they don't work out, because the deeper I travel into my being the more I feel how huge this love is that connects all of us and that I am a part of in a culture that conditions us to feel unworthy. We are each so worthy and our bodies are sacred temples for our selves. For navigation I use, 'if it makes me feel free to consider (risk) I know that's a choice. If it makes me feel in conflict, bound, then, no, not a good risk.
I love this idea Sally. We have to be masters rather than slaves to our desires. Instead of drowning in fantasy, we have to choose the things we love and care about and go after them wholeheartedly.
Reading you feels like putting in words the gut feeling I had when I made some important choices in life. Failures are part and parcel, but I never regretted a daring choice that I made. It has only made me a better person, despite all its shortcomings.
Very well written. I sooooo agree the meaning of life is not to avoid pain but to embrace the pain that change may bring. We may want less or desire to live a simpler less materialistic life but we must embrace all the colors of the rainbow that life has to offer. Enjoy the ride for sitting on the sidelines is a close cousin to laying in a coffin. Recently I have really been contemplating the word Distraction...how many things do we do each day that create distraction. Distraction from all that beauty life has to offer to sidestep the pain of really feeling all the feels :-) Phone addiction, work addiction, Netflix binging has become a great distraction so many people are embracing to forget the pain of a sh*t job, or a less than ideal relationship...or heck just work more and more...western society frames you as a super hero now you worked 80 hrs last week. I think these are all forms of laziness in avoiding the variety of amazing feelings life can become if you're open to remove distraction and look around. Warning you may see things you don't like, what to feel but you will definitely feel more alive in this short life we have. I think the "Phone Pacifier" paints a great picture of the majority of us living a distracted life...(Upgrading to paid).
Thank you Farren for reading and such a beautiful reflection. Your support means the world (:
This was especially beautiful: “the meaning of life is not to avoid pain but to embrace the pain that change may bring”.
Desire has gotten a bad rap, as has the fashion to stifle all emotions, to closet them as the enemy. I agree Tommy, to desire the right things is essential to leading a fulfilling life. To feel desire, like to err, is human. Risk, action, boldness, a robust vitality, even anger, properly channeled at the right time, are all essential to a healthy, happy life. Love, ah love, to desire the happiness of another……..”to have loved and lost is better than to never have loved at all” - Shakespeare.
I love the connection between desire and other emotions, how they all have a time and place. Appreciate you reading Dad (:
Speaking of love, I absolutely loved this Tommy. Was reading about this exact subject last night. You've captured the essence of it beautifully.
Thank you Alex (: appreciate it pal
Really enjoyed this piece Tommy. We are not meant to kill desire but learn to desire the things which are good for us.
As for the conclusion: "And I stand for falling in love. With people, sure. That’s easy. But also with meadows and rivers and sequoia trees and candlelight and clay coffee cups and dog-eared notebooks and the click of my favorite pen. And especially with effort."
I will slightly disagree with you on this point. My observation is that it might be easy to fall in love with people, but it's difficult to actually LOVE people in an ongoing way. It is costly and requires an un-self-focusness.
So maybe we have to learn to desire to love others even when it costs us?
Thank you A. A. Appreciate you reading and your insight here (:
I totally agree with you on the last point. I think that we struggle immensely to love our neighbours, Jesus’ one main commandment, and even to love those close to us. Love is hard. But maybe our salvation depends on it.
‘Love each other as I have loved you ‘.. or words to that effect, it depends on which Bible you read, but the message is clear, and a tall order, or impossible as the disciples said.. but not for his father.. so we must try, fail, and try again.
Great piece of writing, Tommy. You come across as very relaxed, and self assured, mo chāra.
Thanks for sharing.
Beautifully written. My understanding of non-attachment isn't about not feeling, or avoiding loving deeply, but instead, not grasping. You are borrowing the person, situation, experience, feeling. It's temporary, and you try to keep that wisdom forefront. Viewing something as borrowed makes you appreciate it more. You don't take it for granted. You are glad you got to borrow it at all. And when it's time to let go, you can still feel pain, but you understand it wasn't yours from the start.
Thanks Mikaela (: appreciate you reading and your insightful words here.
Perhaps we’re just using different definitions. I’ve found people often disagree because they’re talking about different things. If they had the same definition, they would agree.
However, if I borrow my brother’s winter coat, although I may be grateful, I certainly do not love it as I love my own. But maybe it’s different.
So beautiful 🥹🩷
Thank you Alexandra (:
Beautifully written 👏🏻
Thank you Camila (:
I was in my 20’s in the ‘90’s and everything was risk (in some ways I wish I was more risk averse than I was!)
Desire is perhaps my greatest friend; all the weird, wonderful, terrifying and growth-inducing places it’s taken me. The idea of being without desire feels like being without a heart beat.
Without the desire for something, where does motivation come from?
Perhaps the trick is to desire something and then let go of ever having it. The this-and paradigm/paradox.
As a parent, I’m probably in the dissenting minority, but being a parent hasn’t been the greatest meaning making experience of my life. It’s been the most destructive and challenging. I’ve been flung open, broken into my smallest pieces and found the far edges of my limits. I don’t think there’s ever been the personal resources to meaning-make in that space (ie, there’s really not space!)
I know my experience is not everyone’s but it’s worth considering that having kids is not always the best thing someone can do. Not the greatest joy.
That’s not to say I ever not loved my son. He’s 20 now and as an adult (where I’m no longer responsible) we do meaning-making together through glorious, depth conversations.
There’s something about your words and the way you put them. Soul enriching and pure
God bless u Tommy !!!
Thank you Aa (: appreciate you being here
highly recommend herman hesse’s ‘narcissus and goldmund’, it’s one of my favorite books :)
This was such a fantastic read and a timely one in that. This was interestingly one of my main criticisms of the detachment narrative. We’re flesh and blood humans, and I think its a bit much to think that we can be more than that. We’re supposed to go after crazy thing, have regrets, become miserable from time to time, not because we’re bad people, but simpler because we’re people.
Ah I love that Ahmedh - thank you for reading the the thoughtful reflection here (:
I love the way you think. It stirs me a bit.
Thank you for reading Kinsey (:
I read a book by a Thai forest monk and found it very instructive, however I disagreed with the idea that the body is unclean. Enter the goddess. As the master of desire we are free. It's being a slave to desire that can get into addiction. We are a part of the earth and with this comes the ability to feel. Feel more. Meditation allows me to feel and notice how I am conditioned to stop feeling before the unpleasant feelings. The more I look inside the better I am at l taking the right risks and enjoying the adventure, and the better I am at forgiving myself when they don't work out, because the deeper I travel into my being the more I feel how huge this love is that connects all of us and that I am a part of in a culture that conditions us to feel unworthy. We are each so worthy and our bodies are sacred temples for our selves. For navigation I use, 'if it makes me feel free to consider (risk) I know that's a choice. If it makes me feel in conflict, bound, then, no, not a good risk.
Ah that’s beautiful. Thank you Sally (:
I love this idea Sally. We have to be masters rather than slaves to our desires. Instead of drowning in fantasy, we have to choose the things we love and care about and go after them wholeheartedly.
You did it again! Geez, my thoughts are provoked
Thanks Kayla (: appreciate you reading
Reading you feels like putting in words the gut feeling I had when I made some important choices in life. Failures are part and parcel, but I never regretted a daring choice that I made. It has only made me a better person, despite all its shortcomings.
Thank you Praveen (: appreciate you reading and being here
As always, this was well written & provoking enough to bookmark & come back to again & again. Thank youb!
Thank you Kaitlin (: appreciate it