I’ll spoil it all for you now: You are the right person. You are the one you are waiting for. You won’t just know. You’ll doubt and grow. Doubt and grow. Doubt and grow...
Funny about "finding the one". If you approach it as if you were writing 2 fictional characters, falling in love, you'd arrive at the same insights as you do here:
1. Forced Proximity
2. Shared Secrets
3. Nicknames
4. Inside Jokes
5. Heightened Emotional Perception
6. Protectiveness
7. Constant reminders of each other
A great example of art imitating life which imitates art.
“When the right person comes along, I think I will know. It will be easy. It will be obvious. To both of us. The deep knowing of our shared future will manifest in that moment. All in the meeting of the eyes.
My heart will tell me they are “the one”7.
And shortly there after the “work” will start as you point out in footnote #7 😀 And that work is where the depth in the relationship will come from.
Profound wisdom and beautiful expression in this essay Tommy.
my only contribution here as someone who has never been on a proper “first date” is that falling head over heels for a friend sometimes does work out ! it can be done !
You had me at hot chocolate 😉 I think the more interesting you are as a person, the harder it is to find the one…I believe in random encounters, I believe in saying yes and going with the flow, I believe in effortless interactions and leaving the effort for work life, I believe in spending time and space with someone is the best way for the concoction of love…
Getting thanked for feedback is one thing, but getting a footnote... is this Christmas morning?
--
Tommy I can't even tell you how good this essay turned out. I adore it. I'm so happy I got to see it transform. You really leaned into this piece and made it your own. And you might be desperate but aren't we all? I think the Beatles said something wise one time... it's on the tip of my tongue.... oh yeah... all you need is love, love, love is all you need.
And for book recommendations - if you haven’t read All the light we cannot see or Everyone in my family has killed someone - those are 2 books I couldn’t put down
1. You should totally try yoga, specifically hot yoga. I think you would love it and you’re right, it probably is a good place to meet women as you would likely be one of the only guys there.
2. You’re entirely right about dating apps. Tried them for the first time recently and they are absolutely awful, definitely not missing anything there.
3. About footnote #5 - the song Invisible String by Taylor Swift is entirely about this concept, if you haven’t heard it yet I would recommend giving it a listen. And then listen to the rest of her songs as they are all absolute masterpieces hahaha
I think relationships are a huge topic of thought for a lot of people around our age (or maybe at any age?), the unknown can be so intriguing and exciting and horrifying and confusing. “Happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time” as Taylor Swift says - as a 22 year old I can very much relate to that song hahaha. There’s this quote I saw a few months ago that I loved, it helps to read it when I’m scared I may never meet the people I’m supposed to, that says: “All the right people are going to come and all the wrong people are going to leave ... you’re going to wake up next to the love of your life and spill sweet words over morning coffee. You’re going to have slow Sundays and wholesome holidays. Your art is going to be impactful and you’re going to be recognized for your devotion. You’re going to travel and see the world and you’re going to encounter incredible people along the way. Life will work out perfectly.”
Tommy! This essay is an officially official poetic bliss. I really agree that there's no better way to find your people than engaging in friendly social interactions. I lived in a co-living space with 15 shockingly divergent humans for a year, and most of the deepest friendships in my life were born out of that experience of sharing kitchen spaces and late night chatting with those 15 homies. You can never build that kind of organic intimacy on artificially fabricated 1-1 dates (imho, the *dates* often feel like verbally exchanging Instagram/LinkedIn profiles, so I never do them either). Love and closeness need time and space to unfold.
Also, I'll probably never shake this image of hermaphroditic Adam from my imagination, so yeah, thank you for writing this
Great essay buddy. Infused with wisdom, humour, depth, descriptiveness, and sensory detail. I love how you constantly expand the boundaries of what you write about. Nothing is too far out of reach for you. Keep up the wonderful work :)
Can you co-exist in harmony in the kitchen and the bathroom? That's the real test of having found the one.
I’ll spoil it all for you now: You are the right person. You are the one you are waiting for. You won’t just know. You’ll doubt and grow. Doubt and grow. Doubt and grow...
Funny about "finding the one". If you approach it as if you were writing 2 fictional characters, falling in love, you'd arrive at the same insights as you do here:
1. Forced Proximity
2. Shared Secrets
3. Nicknames
4. Inside Jokes
5. Heightened Emotional Perception
6. Protectiveness
7. Constant reminders of each other
A great example of art imitating life which imitates art.
“When the right person comes along, I think I will know. It will be easy. It will be obvious. To both of us. The deep knowing of our shared future will manifest in that moment. All in the meeting of the eyes.
My heart will tell me they are “the one”7.
And shortly there after the “work” will start as you point out in footnote #7 😀 And that work is where the depth in the relationship will come from.
Profound wisdom and beautiful expression in this essay Tommy.
You know you’ve found the one when it’s easy. When you both laugh.
my only contribution here as someone who has never been on a proper “first date” is that falling head over heels for a friend sometimes does work out ! it can be done !
Expressed with beautiful truth, Tommy. As to no surprise.
Thank you for making me laugh, think deeper, and smile.
Cheers to this piece - and to your continual growth journey.
You had me at hot chocolate 😉 I think the more interesting you are as a person, the harder it is to find the one…I believe in random encounters, I believe in saying yes and going with the flow, I believe in effortless interactions and leaving the effort for work life, I believe in spending time and space with someone is the best way for the concoction of love…
Getting thanked for feedback is one thing, but getting a footnote... is this Christmas morning?
--
Tommy I can't even tell you how good this essay turned out. I adore it. I'm so happy I got to see it transform. You really leaned into this piece and made it your own. And you might be desperate but aren't we all? I think the Beatles said something wise one time... it's on the tip of my tongue.... oh yeah... all you need is love, love, love is all you need.
And for book recommendations - if you haven’t read All the light we cannot see or Everyone in my family has killed someone - those are 2 books I couldn’t put down
Also, the wind most definitely makes a sound and simply speaks a language that we do not. Maybe if we listen enough we can learn.
Tommy!! Beautiful piece of writing, as always
1. You should totally try yoga, specifically hot yoga. I think you would love it and you’re right, it probably is a good place to meet women as you would likely be one of the only guys there.
2. You’re entirely right about dating apps. Tried them for the first time recently and they are absolutely awful, definitely not missing anything there.
3. About footnote #5 - the song Invisible String by Taylor Swift is entirely about this concept, if you haven’t heard it yet I would recommend giving it a listen. And then listen to the rest of her songs as they are all absolute masterpieces hahaha
I think relationships are a huge topic of thought for a lot of people around our age (or maybe at any age?), the unknown can be so intriguing and exciting and horrifying and confusing. “Happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time” as Taylor Swift says - as a 22 year old I can very much relate to that song hahaha. There’s this quote I saw a few months ago that I loved, it helps to read it when I’m scared I may never meet the people I’m supposed to, that says: “All the right people are going to come and all the wrong people are going to leave ... you’re going to wake up next to the love of your life and spill sweet words over morning coffee. You’re going to have slow Sundays and wholesome holidays. Your art is going to be impactful and you’re going to be recognized for your devotion. You’re going to travel and see the world and you’re going to encounter incredible people along the way. Life will work out perfectly.”
Thanks for another great read:))
Nice...very nice.
So, Tommy, what do you envision your future wife's reaction will be upon reading this essay? Which reaction will you hope for? Which do you dread?
this everything i've been thinking about for months now !!
the chaos that is romantics love, fate, and mutual attraction all put together in a tidy, fun, readable essay.
saving this for sharing among my friends both singleton and married !!
Tommy! This essay is an officially official poetic bliss. I really agree that there's no better way to find your people than engaging in friendly social interactions. I lived in a co-living space with 15 shockingly divergent humans for a year, and most of the deepest friendships in my life were born out of that experience of sharing kitchen spaces and late night chatting with those 15 homies. You can never build that kind of organic intimacy on artificially fabricated 1-1 dates (imho, the *dates* often feel like verbally exchanging Instagram/LinkedIn profiles, so I never do them either). Love and closeness need time and space to unfold.
Also, I'll probably never shake this image of hermaphroditic Adam from my imagination, so yeah, thank you for writing this
Great essay buddy. Infused with wisdom, humour, depth, descriptiveness, and sensory detail. I love how you constantly expand the boundaries of what you write about. Nothing is too far out of reach for you. Keep up the wonderful work :)