When I walked into Church last week, I didn’t expect to walk out buoyed by a calm wave of relief. ~~~ At quarter to 11 on Sunday, we turned into Austin Ridge Bible Church. A stream of cars was spilling out of the parking garage as we descended down the ramp of the multi-level structure and wedged into a lucky spot.
Thank you for sharing this experience. I do not attend a church, so I don't get to experience or reflect on the skills that are demonstrated by inspired ministers in the realm of speaking and storytelling. As I relished the entirety of this piece I reached the last words of the final footnote. "But I do know, when it comes to God, people are not all talking about the same thing." And it struck me how incredibly ironic it is (and perhaps heartbreaking to God) that people throughout time have struck each other down for thinking and talking differently about God. May the "goodness of being" as you've called it, prevail in all of our searches.
This reminds me of the Buddhist maxim that we are the source of our own suffering.
Your essay brings to mind several things for me. First, is that “faith” if you leave religion aside, is “not knowing.” Getting comfortable, practicing “not knowing” and “trusting” strengthens one’s faith. Second, wanting to know, and trying to control, at their root, come from “fear”. Fear that something isn’t going to go the way you want. We attach ourselves to outcomes, and then try with our might to manifest that particular outcome. When we act with intention and let go of an exact outcome, trusting that the right one will manifest, we don’t suffer AND we are blown away by outcomes that are WAY better than the ones that we imagined and were trying to control for.
It’s easier for me at my age to see this, since I spent the first 40 years of my life acting from this place of fear and suffering, having things not turn out the way I’d hoped, only to see later why they didn’t and see why the outcome that came to pass was right. How did I know it was right? Because it was the one that occurred :)
Last, I’m a very spiritual person, and sometimes I think of God as “the universal connection” between us all. So many people get hung up on God they lose sight of the lesson in the sermon you wrote about. For the non-devout, Who has the Rope? Something much bigger than them, and the person at the other end. Something so big and inconceivable, something universal. To believe that requires faith, trust, and humility.
Im grateful to have a hand on your rope and that you have a hand on mine.
In the words of your brother Jack - much love to you.
(I wrote this in a parking lot and didn’t proof it. I hope there aren’t lots of errors.)
Loved this Tommy boy. Beautifully descriptive writing as always but I really relate to and admire the message you pulled from it: trusting in yourself. We’ve talked about this tons, but it’s so important. Not trying to control the future but just staying on The Path and doing The Work. Focusing on what you can control and letting the outcomes be. Simple stuff yet it’s so hard. I’m right there with you learning to trust myself. Not easy, but worth it. One day I’m sure we’ll both look back on our journeys and wish we could be back here. And at the end of it all, we die and everything goes to zero. So if we’re not having fun along the way, we’re doing something wrong.
Fascinating read, Tommy. I think we are on the same page in our inability to articulate exactly what we mean when attempting to describe God. The God of my limited understanding is a God far to powerful to be understood.
Trusting that that rope is in safe hands can be so easily forgotten, despite our best efforts to the contrary. We automatically try to run the show of life ourselves, from the moment we open our eyes in the morning. And I, for one, invariably run into all manner of trouble as a result. The conditioning of the mind begins when we are babies, reinforced constantly from all directions as we grow. I’m resigned to the thought that it may take me as long to drop these ingrained habitual tendencies, attempting to play God in my life, as well as others, taking their problems on and ‘fixing’ them. The ego on steroids. Your experience at that church sounds great. I’m happy for you, mo chāra. Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly. Inspirational stuff. Take care.👏✍️🙏
I’ve been struggling a lot lately and this was nice to read. I love that Rilke quote. It’s one of my favorites. I have it written at the beginning of my journal. To help with my struggle instead of asking “why me”, I ask myself why not me, why not now, why not this? I also tell myself “This is something that happens to people”. For some reason it reminds me to not think of myself as special and more connected to the world. Always look forward to your writing, Tommy. Sometimes I think maybe I should start writing here on Substack. Have a good week.
...reminds me of a hanging in my grandparents bathroom (the classic footsteps story)...faith is a wondrous thing brother...hard to find sometimes but always there waiting for you...
Thank you for sharing this experience. I do not attend a church, so I don't get to experience or reflect on the skills that are demonstrated by inspired ministers in the realm of speaking and storytelling. As I relished the entirety of this piece I reached the last words of the final footnote. "But I do know, when it comes to God, people are not all talking about the same thing." And it struck me how incredibly ironic it is (and perhaps heartbreaking to God) that people throughout time have struck each other down for thinking and talking differently about God. May the "goodness of being" as you've called it, prevail in all of our searches.
Tommy -a beautiful and thought provoking essay.
“It’s this needing to know that plants the pain.”
This reminds me of the Buddhist maxim that we are the source of our own suffering.
Your essay brings to mind several things for me. First, is that “faith” if you leave religion aside, is “not knowing.” Getting comfortable, practicing “not knowing” and “trusting” strengthens one’s faith. Second, wanting to know, and trying to control, at their root, come from “fear”. Fear that something isn’t going to go the way you want. We attach ourselves to outcomes, and then try with our might to manifest that particular outcome. When we act with intention and let go of an exact outcome, trusting that the right one will manifest, we don’t suffer AND we are blown away by outcomes that are WAY better than the ones that we imagined and were trying to control for.
It’s easier for me at my age to see this, since I spent the first 40 years of my life acting from this place of fear and suffering, having things not turn out the way I’d hoped, only to see later why they didn’t and see why the outcome that came to pass was right. How did I know it was right? Because it was the one that occurred :)
Last, I’m a very spiritual person, and sometimes I think of God as “the universal connection” between us all. So many people get hung up on God they lose sight of the lesson in the sermon you wrote about. For the non-devout, Who has the Rope? Something much bigger than them, and the person at the other end. Something so big and inconceivable, something universal. To believe that requires faith, trust, and humility.
Im grateful to have a hand on your rope and that you have a hand on mine.
In the words of your brother Jack - much love to you.
(I wrote this in a parking lot and didn’t proof it. I hope there aren’t lots of errors.)
Loved this Tommy boy. Beautifully descriptive writing as always but I really relate to and admire the message you pulled from it: trusting in yourself. We’ve talked about this tons, but it’s so important. Not trying to control the future but just staying on The Path and doing The Work. Focusing on what you can control and letting the outcomes be. Simple stuff yet it’s so hard. I’m right there with you learning to trust myself. Not easy, but worth it. One day I’m sure we’ll both look back on our journeys and wish we could be back here. And at the end of it all, we die and everything goes to zero. So if we’re not having fun along the way, we’re doing something wrong.
I really enjoyed this one! A lot is relatable here across religious lines, and the idea of trust is so important.
" I’m too zoomed in to connect the dots. I’m too close to the pain to see the pleasure. "
!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's when I'm forced to let go. Trust and allow things to happen as they come.
Fascinating read, Tommy. I think we are on the same page in our inability to articulate exactly what we mean when attempting to describe God. The God of my limited understanding is a God far to powerful to be understood.
Trusting that that rope is in safe hands can be so easily forgotten, despite our best efforts to the contrary. We automatically try to run the show of life ourselves, from the moment we open our eyes in the morning. And I, for one, invariably run into all manner of trouble as a result. The conditioning of the mind begins when we are babies, reinforced constantly from all directions as we grow. I’m resigned to the thought that it may take me as long to drop these ingrained habitual tendencies, attempting to play God in my life, as well as others, taking their problems on and ‘fixing’ them. The ego on steroids. Your experience at that church sounds great. I’m happy for you, mo chāra. Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly. Inspirational stuff. Take care.👏✍️🙏
I’ve been struggling a lot lately and this was nice to read. I love that Rilke quote. It’s one of my favorites. I have it written at the beginning of my journal. To help with my struggle instead of asking “why me”, I ask myself why not me, why not now, why not this? I also tell myself “This is something that happens to people”. For some reason it reminds me to not think of myself as special and more connected to the world. Always look forward to your writing, Tommy. Sometimes I think maybe I should start writing here on Substack. Have a good week.
Thanks for sharing your journey!
Soooo encouraging. Thank you.
...reminds me of a hanging in my grandparents bathroom (the classic footsteps story)...faith is a wondrous thing brother...hard to find sometimes but always there waiting for you...