Thanks for sharing your so deeply honest and personal thoughts and reflections as you move through life. It always helps me change or sharpen my thinking.
I agree with the overall sentiment of this essay. It's a really important message to be heard in our world that is, in many corners, becoming increasingly about quick hits and easy fixes. Commitment does make something special. This is obvious within ourselves: the fit person prides themselves on their body, the gardener prides themselves on their plants, the chef prides themselves on their food. Because of their commitment to those things, they eventually created something great. It was hard at moments but it became part of their identity. It is their rose.
Yet externally, we're really good at detaching and walking away from jobs, cities, and people. This line really resonated and drove home the reason why: "It’s even easier to think that any need for effort is a sign you chose wrong." We convince ourselves that if it's not a slice of cake, we made the wrong choice. But wasn't it hard when we started to get fit? Or killed all the plants in our first garden? Or set the smoke alarms off the first time we cooked?
The caveat I would add here is that although commitment makes something special, there are still good and bad choices. There is no perfect choice. But there are lots of bad ones. It takes knowing yourself to make the right commitment and then, once you have, the self-awareness to work on improving issues rather than walking away.
Amen, brother. I've learned this lesson more and more as I've gotten older. A great quote I've heard from a few sources over the years sums it up well - "the grass is greener where you water it". I've been trying to remember that more lately. Excellent essay, Tommy!
LOVED this one, Tommy! So simple, so wise, so true.
I’ve often heard that the “right thing” should feel easy, that you’ll stumble upon something and just *know*. And although I find some truth in that too, this reminded me that great things are built, they take effort, commitment, patience, love, care.
Loved the rose anecdote as well. You’re a great writer!
Tommy - what the hell. Reading this felt like you coalesced everything that had been lingering as fragments in my mind. A recent returner from a long sojourn across the globe, I feel this piece a lot. Thank you. Restacking and subscribing coz that was epic.
This was a pleasure to read. It’s refreshing and wonderful to hear a young man speak in such a mature, thoughtful way about commitment. You’re gifted not just with words but, it seems, also with embracing what’s important in life.
Wonderfully put. The simplest example of committing before you're ready I could give is when I started my Substack. I wanted it to be perfect before I gave my first post. The sections had to be in order, the colours in contrast, the welcome email pristine. But after pushing and pulling the launch date, I just simply began to write. No email, no colours, no sections. I built my newsletter as I began to write, and it was this commitment before I was ready that ultimately got me to where I am today.
This essay was very wise and well stated. To commit, you need some conformation bias that your rose, your spouse, your home is the one worth committing to above any other. Otherwise, as you write, you 'll be like Buridan's Donkey, hungry and thirsty but stuck at equal distance between food and water, unwilling to commit to one or the other and so dies of indecision.
Confirmation bias is not always bad. Thanks for making me think!
Thank you for sharing this insight. It has taken me some time to realize this same point, and I'm still working on it. I have heard a lot of stories of people I am close to trying to find the thing they were meant to do, or the person they were meant to meet, or the perfect fitting job for them. But the more I have traveled and talked to people, and through my own experiences, we make the perfect settings for us. The act in itself of doing something with passion and focus is what makes it perfect.
Your article popped up in the exact right moment. After wandering through Latin America for 2.5 years, I've started feeling the weight of not planting roots anywhere. The thrill of new places has begun to fade, turning into a blur of similar experiences. It’s a wake-up call I didn’t expect—realizing that ‘home’ isn’t found, but made.
Your words felt like a personal message, highlighting a truth I’ve been slowly coming to terms with: we build our sense of home through the choices we make.
Wow, what a packed post, Tommy. So much to learn, so much to unpack. I’ve always and struggled to find the balance between “make the environment work for you” vs. “commit to it and reap the seeds you sow” - have always leaned on the latter and often burnt myself out lol. Am now learning to move to the other side while also remembering nothing ever comes trivially easy. I guess what am trying to do better is to listen intently to my own inner voice, signals and body to strike that balance without feeling overly drained or giving up too easy without giving anything a fair chance.
PS: I discovered your Substack recently so there’s SO much more for me to uncover / I just want to say it’s so timely and it’s been such a treasure and pleasure!
...delight as always...please more jokes/puns about clothes so i can pant pant like a dog...keep 'em short...dress 'em up...sock 'em to me...we got to cut ourselves some slack(s)...shoe it in wherever...a fine coat of comedy...hat's off to you with this piece...
Rome is a crumbling city, with ugly areas. The Mussolini-era stuff was not a landmark in beautiful architecture. My relationship with Rome is one I would call love/hate. Kindness and a sense of belonging with the folks who run the businesses within a stones-through of our apartment and now know us, to staggeringly rude behaviour just beyond. One thing that cannot be denied is the love and care that went into it over time - exposed in so many locations throughout the city. You often don't have to go far to find signs of this love and care.
My point - maybe you're just in the slightly wrong location within the bigger picture.
There are places in Thailand that I love - Phuket itself is absolutely not one of them. It's too transient.
When I head across the bridge north, into Phangnga, I breath a sigh of relief. It's different up the coast there, to the north. Most people who live up there are from there, not somewhere else.
"A person or place will only reveal themselves to you when they’re not afraid you’ll run away." Great line, and it also seems to apply to a project or a work of art. Which reminds of me of Steven Pressfield and the War of Art. The presence of resistance and how consciously we work with it is key to dancing well with commitment.
Thanks for sharing your so deeply honest and personal thoughts and reflections as you move through life. It always helps me change or sharpen my thinking.
I agree with the overall sentiment of this essay. It's a really important message to be heard in our world that is, in many corners, becoming increasingly about quick hits and easy fixes. Commitment does make something special. This is obvious within ourselves: the fit person prides themselves on their body, the gardener prides themselves on their plants, the chef prides themselves on their food. Because of their commitment to those things, they eventually created something great. It was hard at moments but it became part of their identity. It is their rose.
Yet externally, we're really good at detaching and walking away from jobs, cities, and people. This line really resonated and drove home the reason why: "It’s even easier to think that any need for effort is a sign you chose wrong." We convince ourselves that if it's not a slice of cake, we made the wrong choice. But wasn't it hard when we started to get fit? Or killed all the plants in our first garden? Or set the smoke alarms off the first time we cooked?
The caveat I would add here is that although commitment makes something special, there are still good and bad choices. There is no perfect choice. But there are lots of bad ones. It takes knowing yourself to make the right commitment and then, once you have, the self-awareness to work on improving issues rather than walking away.
Amen, brother. I've learned this lesson more and more as I've gotten older. A great quote I've heard from a few sources over the years sums it up well - "the grass is greener where you water it". I've been trying to remember that more lately. Excellent essay, Tommy!
Again, clean, concise, clear, intentional writing which delivers its message. Good job!
LOVED this one, Tommy! So simple, so wise, so true.
I’ve often heard that the “right thing” should feel easy, that you’ll stumble upon something and just *know*. And although I find some truth in that too, this reminded me that great things are built, they take effort, commitment, patience, love, care.
Loved the rose anecdote as well. You’re a great writer!
Tommy - what the hell. Reading this felt like you coalesced everything that had been lingering as fragments in my mind. A recent returner from a long sojourn across the globe, I feel this piece a lot. Thank you. Restacking and subscribing coz that was epic.
Tommy,
This was a pleasure to read. It’s refreshing and wonderful to hear a young man speak in such a mature, thoughtful way about commitment. You’re gifted not just with words but, it seems, also with embracing what’s important in life.
Enjoy your adventures.
Wonderfully put. The simplest example of committing before you're ready I could give is when I started my Substack. I wanted it to be perfect before I gave my first post. The sections had to be in order, the colours in contrast, the welcome email pristine. But after pushing and pulling the launch date, I just simply began to write. No email, no colours, no sections. I built my newsletter as I began to write, and it was this commitment before I was ready that ultimately got me to where I am today.
This essay was very wise and well stated. To commit, you need some conformation bias that your rose, your spouse, your home is the one worth committing to above any other. Otherwise, as you write, you 'll be like Buridan's Donkey, hungry and thirsty but stuck at equal distance between food and water, unwilling to commit to one or the other and so dies of indecision.
Confirmation bias is not always bad. Thanks for making me think!
Thank you for sharing this insight. It has taken me some time to realize this same point, and I'm still working on it. I have heard a lot of stories of people I am close to trying to find the thing they were meant to do, or the person they were meant to meet, or the perfect fitting job for them. But the more I have traveled and talked to people, and through my own experiences, we make the perfect settings for us. The act in itself of doing something with passion and focus is what makes it perfect.
Your article popped up in the exact right moment. After wandering through Latin America for 2.5 years, I've started feeling the weight of not planting roots anywhere. The thrill of new places has begun to fade, turning into a blur of similar experiences. It’s a wake-up call I didn’t expect—realizing that ‘home’ isn’t found, but made.
Your words felt like a personal message, highlighting a truth I’ve been slowly coming to terms with: we build our sense of home through the choices we make.
Thank you 🙏
Wow, what a packed post, Tommy. So much to learn, so much to unpack. I’ve always and struggled to find the balance between “make the environment work for you” vs. “commit to it and reap the seeds you sow” - have always leaned on the latter and often burnt myself out lol. Am now learning to move to the other side while also remembering nothing ever comes trivially easy. I guess what am trying to do better is to listen intently to my own inner voice, signals and body to strike that balance without feeling overly drained or giving up too easy without giving anything a fair chance.
PS: I discovered your Substack recently so there’s SO much more for me to uncover / I just want to say it’s so timely and it’s been such a treasure and pleasure!
<3
...delight as always...please more jokes/puns about clothes so i can pant pant like a dog...keep 'em short...dress 'em up...sock 'em to me...we got to cut ourselves some slack(s)...shoe it in wherever...a fine coat of comedy...hat's off to you with this piece...
Rome is a crumbling city, with ugly areas. The Mussolini-era stuff was not a landmark in beautiful architecture. My relationship with Rome is one I would call love/hate. Kindness and a sense of belonging with the folks who run the businesses within a stones-through of our apartment and now know us, to staggeringly rude behaviour just beyond. One thing that cannot be denied is the love and care that went into it over time - exposed in so many locations throughout the city. You often don't have to go far to find signs of this love and care.
My point - maybe you're just in the slightly wrong location within the bigger picture.
There are places in Thailand that I love - Phuket itself is absolutely not one of them. It's too transient.
When I head across the bridge north, into Phangnga, I breath a sigh of relief. It's different up the coast there, to the north. Most people who live up there are from there, not somewhere else.
Thanks for sharing, Tommy.
"A person or place will only reveal themselves to you when they’re not afraid you’ll run away." Great line, and it also seems to apply to a project or a work of art. Which reminds of me of Steven Pressfield and the War of Art. The presence of resistance and how consciously we work with it is key to dancing well with commitment.
So many excellent points in this, great job!!