"In the end, all I can do is ask beautiful questions." Mission accomplished with this piece Tommy. I've moved 36 times in my life, many of those with a family in tow, and I have loved many of those places, but when it's time to go, it's time to go. I like your idea that while living fully places will choose you.
Isn’t that the truth Rick. I think deep down, when it is right, we know when it’s the right time to go - and by then, it’ll feel obvious and profoundly wrong not to go.
Thank you for your presence here. Never fails to bring warmth to my life.
First time reader. This was such a wonderful essay. It absolutely was so much more than decided where to live. Thanks so much for sharing this with all of us.
This was a wonderful meditation Tommy. I have a million thoughts, which if I tried to write out would turn into an essay of its own. I'll leave it at this: I'm grappling with the exact same things you are, though at a slightly later point in life. The older I get, the more I surrender to something like what you wrote (beautifully): "In the end, so it goes with all these "weighty" choices, life will decide for me. A place will choose me, more than I will choose it. I'll just be left trying to make sense of it all."
Also: footnotes 6 and 11 were themselves really profound and striking to me.
Thank you Alex. I believe in free will but if I look back on my past, much of it seems so determined. I guess the case here, is not to worry but simply to pay attention. And take the risks when the opportunity arises and not answering “the call” would feel profoundly wrong.
Appreciate you reading and your support here. Hope to chat soon pal.
You had me hooked from the opening sentence. I ponder these three questions all the time. I think where we choose to live should be the first priority because of how much it can influence the other two (i.e. you're more likely to find an ideal partner in a city that is aligned with your values and attracts the right type of people than if you live in a small town) - this is especially important in your 20's as you're laying the foundation.
I loved the quote you shared from Naguib Mahfouz, I can confirm this is true. I used to have this deep desire to live a nomadic life and ever since settling down in Barcelona, I've come to enjoy spending more time here and less time on the road. My suggestion would be to continue visiting different places that are aligned with your lifestyle and test out what it would be like to live there for 30 days, I wrote a post about this and how helpful these "mini-lives" can be in the decision making process.
Check out Who's Your City by Richard Florida and Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner, I think you'll enjoy those. And feel free to reach out if you want to jam on this topic, cheers Tommy!
Thank you for reading Brian and such a thoughtful reflection here.
I think you’re right on the importance of place. While a partner or career may have more tangible day to day impact, the environment one dwells in somewhat selects for those things, as you said. In the right place, you’d find your people and hopefully your work.
I’m perhaps in the same position as you were a few years ago. Nomadic for the last two-ish years but looking for a place to stay put a while. Love the ideas of mini lives or slow travel - I had month long stays in Buenos Aires and Phuket and really enjoyed sinking into a place, finding a routine, some semblance of familiarity.
I’ve loved every place I’ve lived even though some places were just okay and some places I hated. Each place led me to the next place and each was its own adventure. I’m turning 40 this month and I do love where I live though it’s certainly not perfect. Maybe the next place will be. Maybe the next place will be it. How thrilling.
Haha this brought a big smile to my face Charlie. Love the framing as each as an adventure. I definitely put too much pressure and perfectionism on these sorts of things. Wanting to “get it right”. But I doubt any place is ever perfect.
As you said where you live is more about who else lives there! The community can make any place amazing. There are many studies that show living a 15 min walk or less from friends has a significant positive impact on your health.
Ah I love that Brenna. The community can really transform a place - I remember reading how the neighborhood is actually more important than the city since you spend 1000x more time in your neighborhood than you do in other parts of the city.
Thank you for reading and your thoughtfulness here (:
The thought I had while reading your deftly crafted essay was, “Tommy is not pondering where to live. He is considering how to build a life.” Almost every decision can be modified if necessary. If you rest in one spot for a while, “bide a wee,” you will take something from that spot that will remain with you always. Your nest is made with hundreds of strands.
I think that’s exactly right J.T. I get caught thinking my next move has to be permanent, wanting to find the place I belong and stay forever - but that puts so much pressure on the decision and ruins the story of life by trying to cut to the ending.
This was beautiful: “Your nest is made with hundreds of strand”
Thank you for being alongside as I stumble through trying to build a good life. I think that’s why I write, really. The desire just to live well.
Loved this essay. I too am thinking where to live, but at a much later stage in life, retirement ( in about 6 years ). At your age I thought about it a lot and chose to stay not too far from where I grew up because that’s where the jobs were and to be near family, but then family all moved away. Friends moved away too. That’s just life. I understand the anxiety of too many possibilities that’s for sure. Your writing continues to impress me. Have a great week or two.
Ah I loved this J. That seems to be the ebbs and flows of life. People come and go, together then far apart. Like actors on a stage, as Shakespeare said. You’re either leaving your friends and family or, perhaps, the one who gets left.
Thank you for being here. I always deeply appreciate your presence (:
Loved this one. SO beautifully written and so many good quotes I don't even know which to point out. It's a difficult thing to figure out, and easy to get stuck in thinking somewhere else could be better. But as you wrote: "In the end, so it goes with all these "weighty" choices, life will decide for me. A place will choose me, more than I will choose it."
I can relate. I’m still figuring out where to live, while I’m living. And in the end I believe that I won’t have chosen a place to live, but the place will have chosen me.
Tommy this was a wonderful essay. As someone who has lived in Southern California all of my life, I’ve constantly fantasized about living elsewhere. I feel like I get my fix when traveling abroad and visiting new places, but have never quite felt the urge to make the jump and completely uproot my life. This essay is a gift! Definitely glad I found your work, I’m subscribing for sure
Thank you Marco, really appreciate you reading and sharing here.
While there’s always the lure of novelty, there is something beautiful and irreplaceable about the place you grew up and always lived. I think if traveling taught me something, it’s that places must somewhat be made, with love and commitment. Staying close to home is poetic.
I left Los Angeles looking for attributes in a place to live. Because I know LA was too spiritually/historically empty and egotistical for my values. I came to Paris just visiting and the day I stepped off the train I knew everything changed. Something about the french culture and slowness and intentionality was something I didn’t even know I was looking for. I hope you keep asking yourself questions ❤️
Ah that’s beautiful Jenni. That feeling of stepping off the train and knowing it’s your place - just reading that felt like I was watching a movie.
I’ve only spent a few days in Paris (right before Christmas) but was totally transfixed. I hope to visit again, perhaps live there for 1-2 months in the future.
Thank you for reading and the kind words. Means a lot (:
"In the end, all I can do is ask beautiful questions." Mission accomplished with this piece Tommy. I've moved 36 times in my life, many of those with a family in tow, and I have loved many of those places, but when it's time to go, it's time to go. I like your idea that while living fully places will choose you.
“When it's time to go, it's time to go”
Isn’t that the truth Rick. I think deep down, when it is right, we know when it’s the right time to go - and by then, it’ll feel obvious and profoundly wrong not to go.
Thank you for your presence here. Never fails to bring warmth to my life.
First time reader. This was such a wonderful essay. It absolutely was so much more than decided where to live. Thanks so much for sharing this with all of us.
Thank you Monica (: reading this made my day
Appreciate you reading
This was a wonderful meditation Tommy. I have a million thoughts, which if I tried to write out would turn into an essay of its own. I'll leave it at this: I'm grappling with the exact same things you are, though at a slightly later point in life. The older I get, the more I surrender to something like what you wrote (beautifully): "In the end, so it goes with all these "weighty" choices, life will decide for me. A place will choose me, more than I will choose it. I'll just be left trying to make sense of it all."
Also: footnotes 6 and 11 were themselves really profound and striking to me.
Thank you Alex. I believe in free will but if I look back on my past, much of it seems so determined. I guess the case here, is not to worry but simply to pay attention. And take the risks when the opportunity arises and not answering “the call” would feel profoundly wrong.
Appreciate you reading and your support here. Hope to chat soon pal.
Alex, definitely felt a lot of similar feelings to you. It feels good to not feel alone in our position in life or in our thoughts
You had me hooked from the opening sentence. I ponder these three questions all the time. I think where we choose to live should be the first priority because of how much it can influence the other two (i.e. you're more likely to find an ideal partner in a city that is aligned with your values and attracts the right type of people than if you live in a small town) - this is especially important in your 20's as you're laying the foundation.
I loved the quote you shared from Naguib Mahfouz, I can confirm this is true. I used to have this deep desire to live a nomadic life and ever since settling down in Barcelona, I've come to enjoy spending more time here and less time on the road. My suggestion would be to continue visiting different places that are aligned with your lifestyle and test out what it would be like to live there for 30 days, I wrote a post about this and how helpful these "mini-lives" can be in the decision making process.
Check out Who's Your City by Richard Florida and Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner, I think you'll enjoy those. And feel free to reach out if you want to jam on this topic, cheers Tommy!
Thank you for reading Brian and such a thoughtful reflection here.
I think you’re right on the importance of place. While a partner or career may have more tangible day to day impact, the environment one dwells in somewhat selects for those things, as you said. In the right place, you’d find your people and hopefully your work.
I’m perhaps in the same position as you were a few years ago. Nomadic for the last two-ish years but looking for a place to stay put a while. Love the ideas of mini lives or slow travel - I had month long stays in Buenos Aires and Phuket and really enjoyed sinking into a place, finding a routine, some semblance of familiarity.
Thanks again. Keep well & keep in touch (:
I’ve loved every place I’ve lived even though some places were just okay and some places I hated. Each place led me to the next place and each was its own adventure. I’m turning 40 this month and I do love where I live though it’s certainly not perfect. Maybe the next place will be. Maybe the next place will be it. How thrilling.
Haha this brought a big smile to my face Charlie. Love the framing as each as an adventure. I definitely put too much pressure and perfectionism on these sorts of things. Wanting to “get it right”. But I doubt any place is ever perfect.
Thanks for sharing here - always means a lot (:
As you said where you live is more about who else lives there! The community can make any place amazing. There are many studies that show living a 15 min walk or less from friends has a significant positive impact on your health.
Ah I love that Brenna. The community can really transform a place - I remember reading how the neighborhood is actually more important than the city since you spend 1000x more time in your neighborhood than you do in other parts of the city.
Thank you for reading and your thoughtfulness here (:
Wise, wise, wise. Heart wisdom speaks...
Thank you Amba (: can’t wait for September…
Me, too. Big time.
The thought I had while reading your deftly crafted essay was, “Tommy is not pondering where to live. He is considering how to build a life.” Almost every decision can be modified if necessary. If you rest in one spot for a while, “bide a wee,” you will take something from that spot that will remain with you always. Your nest is made with hundreds of strands.
I think that’s exactly right J.T. I get caught thinking my next move has to be permanent, wanting to find the place I belong and stay forever - but that puts so much pressure on the decision and ruins the story of life by trying to cut to the ending.
This was beautiful: “Your nest is made with hundreds of strand”
Thank you for being alongside as I stumble through trying to build a good life. I think that’s why I write, really. The desire just to live well.
Appreciate your presence, as always (:
I love this phrase…
“This isn't an essay about where to live, really. That's less important. It's an essay about living, wherever I am.”
TY for sharing your journey and reflections!
Thanks Mo! That one came to me out of nowhere on a walk and I almost ran home to write it down haha.
Appreciate you reading & taking the time to leave your thoughts (:
My favorite moment, as well.
Loved this essay. I too am thinking where to live, but at a much later stage in life, retirement ( in about 6 years ). At your age I thought about it a lot and chose to stay not too far from where I grew up because that’s where the jobs were and to be near family, but then family all moved away. Friends moved away too. That’s just life. I understand the anxiety of too many possibilities that’s for sure. Your writing continues to impress me. Have a great week or two.
Ah I loved this J. That seems to be the ebbs and flows of life. People come and go, together then far apart. Like actors on a stage, as Shakespeare said. You’re either leaving your friends and family or, perhaps, the one who gets left.
Thank you for being here. I always deeply appreciate your presence (:
I love this so much
"Only the choices that are somewhat irreversible, like mailing a letter or getting married or buying land, can be truly romantic.
This isn't an essay about where to live, really. That's less important. It's an essay about living, wherever I am."
Thank you Charlotte (: appreciate you reading
Love love this. Relate to it so much, especially the painting of our 20s
Thank you Luna (: really appreciate you reading & the kind words
Loved this one. SO beautifully written and so many good quotes I don't even know which to point out. It's a difficult thing to figure out, and easy to get stuck in thinking somewhere else could be better. But as you wrote: "In the end, so it goes with all these "weighty" choices, life will decide for me. A place will choose me, more than I will choose it."
Thanks Carina (: brought a big smile to my face
I can relate. I’m still figuring out where to live, while I’m living. And in the end I believe that I won’t have chosen a place to live, but the place will have chosen me.
That’s exactly the conclusion I came to Kris. It’s freeing in some way, to just keep living and trusting you’ll live your way into the right place
Thank you for reading (:
Tommy this was a wonderful essay. As someone who has lived in Southern California all of my life, I’ve constantly fantasized about living elsewhere. I feel like I get my fix when traveling abroad and visiting new places, but have never quite felt the urge to make the jump and completely uproot my life. This essay is a gift! Definitely glad I found your work, I’m subscribing for sure
Thank you Marco, really appreciate you reading and sharing here.
While there’s always the lure of novelty, there is something beautiful and irreplaceable about the place you grew up and always lived. I think if traveling taught me something, it’s that places must somewhat be made, with love and commitment. Staying close to home is poetic.
I left Los Angeles looking for attributes in a place to live. Because I know LA was too spiritually/historically empty and egotistical for my values. I came to Paris just visiting and the day I stepped off the train I knew everything changed. Something about the french culture and slowness and intentionality was something I didn’t even know I was looking for. I hope you keep asking yourself questions ❤️
Ah that’s beautiful Jenni. That feeling of stepping off the train and knowing it’s your place - just reading that felt like I was watching a movie.
I’ve only spent a few days in Paris (right before Christmas) but was totally transfixed. I hope to visit again, perhaps live there for 1-2 months in the future.
Thank you for reading and the kind words. Means a lot (:
Of course! Let me know next. time you’re in town. We’ll grab a coffee