This was quietly seismic. The line that stopped me cold was: “I decided that if I knew what I wanted, there was no reason to wait. And if I didn't know, there was no excuse not to figure it out.” That distilled something I’ve felt for a long time but haven’t articulated with such clarity.
Your whole essay felt like a refusal to be lulled by delay, or seduced by the myth of “someday.” The bit about skipping Toronto and choosing Kitchener felt especially poignant. Most people don’t live as if they’ll stay—but there’s a rare peace in making choices that only make sense if you do. You’re right: a straight line, even to the wrong thing, beats the paralysis of zigzagging indefinitely.
Thank you for modeling what it looks like to live with intention, not inertia.
Haha thanks Haley! I have a terrible habit of demoting some of the best parts to footnotes, thinking they're silly or too tangential. Appreciate you reading (:
You've really synthesised in this post what I've been gleaning from other things you have written; the beauty and reward of a life lived with intention.
It really seems as though you give full weight and thought to your life and are charting a course that is in line with what you want.
Loved this - and especially the little tidbits of life you included at the end. It's always nice to see the real and grounded side of things.
Thank you :) appreciate you reading & how intentional you've been with your words here. That's always the challenge with writing! To ground the abstract with the real. People will follow philosophical tangents, but only with a story attached, most often.
i’m only 17 but i hope i live life as intentionally and directly as i can. i want to make sure i can enjoy every moment and let it grow into the next one instead of trudging through one thing to get to another. this piece gave me words on the perspective <3 thank you
I have found the worst thing you can do is get stuck in procrastinating. It leads to nowhere. It’s important to weigh both sides and then make a decision. Many years ago I made the bold decision to be a foster parent. Looking back probably the best seven years I’ve had, and I got a son as a bonus!
Wow, this is incredible. Thank you for putting to words many of the things I've been feeling, and often been judged for. Many of these things are not popular among my peer group.
I think we all roam the world directionless at first and eventually along the lines of our ages we find meaning purpose and a path, at that points there isn't any reason to hold on or withhold we just have to push forward and see it through.
This was absolutely perfect James, the best read I've had today.
The straight line of giving yourself over to your ideals and values, giving years to what matters, is great. Really resonated with doing things that last forever
When I was younger, I thought that I had to settle down with the love of my life before I could "truly" live. At fifty I still haven't found true love but thankfully I decided to live intentionally when I turned thirty. I remain hopeful of finding my life partner but other areas of my life are on course. I am doing what I always wanted to do. It is not always easy, but it is what I want.
As James said, "purely sublime." You have given us, me, so many thought-provoking opportunities here.
I guess I'd say the one I love best is: "But depth deserves all the time it can get. Love grows with time. Trust compounds with time. Beauty layers with time. That sense of familiarity and whole-bodied belonging only thickens and intensifies. When it comes to depth, there is simply no substitute."
Thank you Amba, it's always lovely to hear from you & see reflected back what part of the piece resonated most with you. I'm 4 chapters into your book so far and loving it!
I was part of a conversation yesterday that has made me ponder what was said for hours afterwards. The participants included a 24-year-old still looking into her next steps, several adults who are enjoying their careers, a retired couple, and a widow looking back at a rich life. Salient points were:
• a choice may have lasting consequences, but changes made on the fly may also be impactful.
• follow people, paths, and interests that engage your heart
• we will face loss, terror, hardship, and loneliness, but we will endure these challenges and find gifts in the experiences
• allow those around you to make their own choices and enjoy watching them thrive.
Thank you for your thoughtful essay, Tommy. I found it at a meaningful moment.
One more thing: absolutely on the grandchildren thing. Now that I’ve got three I ponder how I might have encouraged my sons to get started on making babies a bit sooner.
This was quietly seismic. The line that stopped me cold was: “I decided that if I knew what I wanted, there was no reason to wait. And if I didn't know, there was no excuse not to figure it out.” That distilled something I’ve felt for a long time but haven’t articulated with such clarity.
Your whole essay felt like a refusal to be lulled by delay, or seduced by the myth of “someday.” The bit about skipping Toronto and choosing Kitchener felt especially poignant. Most people don’t live as if they’ll stay—but there’s a rare peace in making choices that only make sense if you do. You’re right: a straight line, even to the wrong thing, beats the paralysis of zigzagging indefinitely.
Thank you for modeling what it looks like to live with intention, not inertia.
Thank you Anton, for reading and such a beautiful comment here. Really, means a lot. I feel like it summarized better than the essay itself!
Hope you're having a lovely week (:
footnote 5!!! Yes.
Haha thanks Haley! I have a terrible habit of demoting some of the best parts to footnotes, thinking they're silly or too tangential. Appreciate you reading (:
You've really synthesised in this post what I've been gleaning from other things you have written; the beauty and reward of a life lived with intention.
It really seems as though you give full weight and thought to your life and are charting a course that is in line with what you want.
Loved this - and especially the little tidbits of life you included at the end. It's always nice to see the real and grounded side of things.
Thank you :) appreciate you reading & how intentional you've been with your words here. That's always the challenge with writing! To ground the abstract with the real. People will follow philosophical tangents, but only with a story attached, most often.
i’m only 17 but i hope i live life as intentionally and directly as i can. i want to make sure i can enjoy every moment and let it grow into the next one instead of trudging through one thing to get to another. this piece gave me words on the perspective <3 thank you
Ah I love that. Thank you for reading (:
I have found the worst thing you can do is get stuck in procrastinating. It leads to nowhere. It’s important to weigh both sides and then make a decision. Many years ago I made the bold decision to be a foster parent. Looking back probably the best seven years I’ve had, and I got a son as a bonus!
Ah I love that Monica and love your words on bold decisions. I echo what James said on foster parents. Thank you for reading (:
God bless you, and other foster parents Monica.
Wow, this is incredible. Thank you for putting to words many of the things I've been feeling, and often been judged for. Many of these things are not popular among my peer group.
Thank you Hannah (: appreciate you reading
I think we all roam the world directionless at first and eventually along the lines of our ages we find meaning purpose and a path, at that points there isn't any reason to hold on or withhold we just have to push forward and see it through.
This was absolutely perfect James, the best read I've had today.
Thank you for reading Ral & leaving such a beautiful reflection here (:
Tommy, purely sublime: “Mediocre situations, languished in long enough, simply become lost years.”
Loved your contribution to us this week. 🙏
Thank you James :)
'We overestimate what can be done in a day, but underestimate how much can be done in a decade.'
Love this. Time is best forgotten after you've set the direction.
Thanks for this inviting reminder that it's about doing the damn thing.
Thank you Abhishek (: appreciate you reading
The straight line of giving yourself over to your ideals and values, giving years to what matters, is great. Really resonated with doing things that last forever
Thanks Travis! So happy it resonated
When I was younger, I thought that I had to settle down with the love of my life before I could "truly" live. At fifty I still haven't found true love but thankfully I decided to live intentionally when I turned thirty. I remain hopeful of finding my life partner but other areas of my life are on course. I am doing what I always wanted to do. It is not always easy, but it is what I want.
Thank you for reading & leaving such a beautiful reflection here. I especially loved: " It is not always easy, but it is what I want."
This was brilliant. Thank you:)
Thank you for reading Mari & the kind words (:
As James said, "purely sublime." You have given us, me, so many thought-provoking opportunities here.
I guess I'd say the one I love best is: "But depth deserves all the time it can get. Love grows with time. Trust compounds with time. Beauty layers with time. That sense of familiarity and whole-bodied belonging only thickens and intensifies. When it comes to depth, there is simply no substitute."
Thank you.
Thank you Amba, it's always lovely to hear from you & see reflected back what part of the piece resonated most with you. I'm 4 chapters into your book so far and loving it!
I was part of a conversation yesterday that has made me ponder what was said for hours afterwards. The participants included a 24-year-old still looking into her next steps, several adults who are enjoying their careers, a retired couple, and a widow looking back at a rich life. Salient points were:
• a choice may have lasting consequences, but changes made on the fly may also be impactful.
• follow people, paths, and interests that engage your heart
• we will face loss, terror, hardship, and loneliness, but we will endure these challenges and find gifts in the experiences
• allow those around you to make their own choices and enjoy watching them thrive.
Thank you for your thoughtful essay, Tommy. I found it at a meaningful moment.
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! I LOVE IT!!!
I am thinking very, very seriously of serializing it for paid subscribers on Substack.
One more thing: absolutely on the grandchildren thing. Now that I’ve got three I ponder how I might have encouraged my sons to get started on making babies a bit sooner.