Tommy, our love of Christmas is something that has bonded us in the past. Coincidentally, for the first time, I am not feeling blue or even gray, but definitely less Christmas-y this year. My family and I just returned from living in Greece for three months. I keep thinking how the magic was there, living in a way that kept us outdoors, kept us walking—everywhere, always uphill—kept us interacting with the locals. The magic of Christmas, that I always feel so strongly every year, has dissipated. Perhaps it's a blend of everything you've articulated so well here, and perhaps it's even more. I keep thinking of how passively I've always enjoyed Christmas—sitting around watching movies, sitting around drinking. I don't want to sit around so much anymore, unless it's in good conversation, or doing karaoke with my kids, or reading.
Also, this line really hit:
"not editing sentences that don’t make perfect sense because the energy is there"
...I'm going to carry this one with me. Sometimes editing gets in the way of the rawness of the moment, the flow, our voice.
And still, my Christmas spirit is certainly not gone. I saw your Thomas Kinkade picture at the top and thought, I want that, a huge on, on my wall. Merry Christmas. :)
Charlie, thank you for the thoughtful, warm note here. Most of this essay was written late at night and probably less hinged than it should have been, kinda reflecting some emotional turbulence in my life, and I've felt a little nauseous since publishing, worrying about upsetting people, worrying about what I'm putting into the world, worrying about being so negative, and since we've bonded over our love for Christmas over the years, you crossed my mind. So seeing your name pop up was a bit of gift in itself.
Thomas Kinkade is really something, especially his Christmas paintings. Merry Christmas Charlie (:
I love this idea of late-at-night, less-hinged writing. I love the rawness of that. And I could feel it! Maybe that nauseous feeling was not a bad feeling, maybe it was more like an exposed feeling. Your negativity didn't feel judgmental. It felt thoughtful and insightful... and a little sad, too, which just felt honest and vulnerable. I suppose these can feel like fine lines to walk, but as long as you're writing from a place of curiosity—which you always seem to—that will come through.
Your points are well made. I highly recommend the Poem ‘Christmas’ by John Betjeman, and another by him called ‘Advent 1955’. It seems that even back then there was competition between the real Christmas story and the commercial interpretation.
For those looking to focus on more of the traditional I highly recommend checking YouTube for a concert called Christmas with my Friends by Nils Landgren - a real mixture of musical styles, ancient and modern. I think it may have more of the authentic spirit of Christmas.
“The strangest part is that people still celebrate Christmas without believing any of it or caring to think why it exists and what exactly they’re doing when they celebrate it.”
Yes yes yes yes yes. I only do Christmas now to make my family happy, but I needed something to celebrate this season that made sense to me. (This might be why I don’t really understand the meaning of tradition, of family you only see once a year because you share some percentage of your genes.)
I’m not Christian, but I have taken to celebrating the Solstice, indicating the darkest night when I can reflect on the year and start planting seeds of intentions. That makes sense to me and gives me a reason to mark the season in a better way than buying things nobody needs just for the sake of buying things. Also, it saves the pretty lights for me. I think that it is in our humanity to illuminate the darkest night of the year, even if just for hope.
Having a Christmas focused on Christ teaches us to, once again, be in the world but not of the world!
I laughed reading this because of how extreme it came across at points but I honestly relate to your feelings. They are a balm and great reflections.
Those special moments of silent reverence and observation you detailed mean so much more to Him (and do more for our souls) than any expression of “love” to another through gift-giving could ever accomplish.
There’s fun to be had at Christmas for sure!! - but that’s not to overshadow or undermine the true Miracle. ✝️ be well !
This is very good. I feel a bit emotional because I didn’t know that someone else feels close to exactly how I’ve been feeling. I’ve always loved Christmas, and not for commercial reasons- I’m a pretty thoughtful person, and Christmas feels so wonderful and silent and holy, such a good invitation to reflect on what actually matters. However, this year I haven’t been feeling it so much, and I’ve wondered what’s going on with me. Thank you for writing this, you’re not alone in these feelings!!
This phrase was remarkable— “Last week I went into a shopping mall for the first time in four or five years, and the whole affair was a real wrist-slitter.” Made me laugh and felt so relatable. Beyond the capacity to convey truth through humor, your ability to observe things others don’t is refreshing. Admire your writing.
Tommy, really feeling this. Christmas is so commercialized now, it doesn't resemble anything like tradition. A holiday tree? Even going to the grocery store, everything needs to gift packaged and don't get me started on work holiday parties where you have to spend $20 on someone you barely know and make small talk. Everyone just engrossed in their phones. No one is 'present' anymore.
Ha thank you Brendan, appreciate you reading & glad it resonated. Christmas can certainly bring out the cynic in me, which is always a delicate balance
Your writing is stunning. I’m saving this to read again as I reflect on the year and consider more seriously and intentionally what priorities should be highest in 2026. Thank you.
Tommy, thanks for this post. It really captured my sense the other day, Christmas shopping in another part of Ontario. The seasonal music was playing, just loud enough to hear the overtly Christian lyrics, and I thought, as I mused over a potential gift, that if we’d all just truly hear the words in all their truth and wonderment, our lives, and our world would shift, earthquake like, into new awareness, about just how beautiful, fragile and open to the divine each moment truly is. Of course, there was no earthquake but I had to wonder how much the lyrics leak into everyone’s psyches, waking them up at night (maybe like the carved face of one of your nativity figures), a little nudge, a whisper that we are made for more.
“…but I had to wonder how much the lyrics leak into everyone’s psyches, waking them up at night (maybe like the carved face of one of your nativity figures), a little nudge, a whisper that we are made for more.”
So sad but true. However, celebrating with others will hopefully open up opportunities for me to share the true meaning of Christmas with those who do not believe in Jesus’ birth, life, death and resurrection. Let it be so!
Thankyou so much for writing this. I've felt this way for decades really, progressively feeling the exact way you write more and more each year. So much so, that I prefer to work, seeing patients that likely won't see anyone else. That at least, feels valuable. I hope we collectively get to the point we awaken and realise how soulless this time of year has become.
I resonate deeply with this and a lot of what you said have crossed my own mind lately, especially working in retail. Next year, I'll be making things to gift people or simply spending quality time with them to show my appreciation instead.
Tommy, our love of Christmas is something that has bonded us in the past. Coincidentally, for the first time, I am not feeling blue or even gray, but definitely less Christmas-y this year. My family and I just returned from living in Greece for three months. I keep thinking how the magic was there, living in a way that kept us outdoors, kept us walking—everywhere, always uphill—kept us interacting with the locals. The magic of Christmas, that I always feel so strongly every year, has dissipated. Perhaps it's a blend of everything you've articulated so well here, and perhaps it's even more. I keep thinking of how passively I've always enjoyed Christmas—sitting around watching movies, sitting around drinking. I don't want to sit around so much anymore, unless it's in good conversation, or doing karaoke with my kids, or reading.
Also, this line really hit:
"not editing sentences that don’t make perfect sense because the energy is there"
...I'm going to carry this one with me. Sometimes editing gets in the way of the rawness of the moment, the flow, our voice.
And still, my Christmas spirit is certainly not gone. I saw your Thomas Kinkade picture at the top and thought, I want that, a huge on, on my wall. Merry Christmas. :)
Charlie, thank you for the thoughtful, warm note here. Most of this essay was written late at night and probably less hinged than it should have been, kinda reflecting some emotional turbulence in my life, and I've felt a little nauseous since publishing, worrying about upsetting people, worrying about what I'm putting into the world, worrying about being so negative, and since we've bonded over our love for Christmas over the years, you crossed my mind. So seeing your name pop up was a bit of gift in itself.
Thomas Kinkade is really something, especially his Christmas paintings. Merry Christmas Charlie (:
I love this idea of late-at-night, less-hinged writing. I love the rawness of that. And I could feel it! Maybe that nauseous feeling was not a bad feeling, maybe it was more like an exposed feeling. Your negativity didn't feel judgmental. It felt thoughtful and insightful... and a little sad, too, which just felt honest and vulnerable. I suppose these can feel like fine lines to walk, but as long as you're writing from a place of curiosity—which you always seem to—that will come through.
I very much appreciate what you say, here, Charlie.
Loved that line too. Re-read it 3 times.
Your points are well made. I highly recommend the Poem ‘Christmas’ by John Betjeman, and another by him called ‘Advent 1955’. It seems that even back then there was competition between the real Christmas story and the commercial interpretation.
For those looking to focus on more of the traditional I highly recommend checking YouTube for a concert called Christmas with my Friends by Nils Landgren - a real mixture of musical styles, ancient and modern. I think it may have more of the authentic spirit of Christmas.
I love the poem by Betjeman and the fantastic ending, "that Christ was born in Palestine, and lives today in bread and wine".
“The strangest part is that people still celebrate Christmas without believing any of it or caring to think why it exists and what exactly they’re doing when they celebrate it.”
Yes yes yes yes yes. I only do Christmas now to make my family happy, but I needed something to celebrate this season that made sense to me. (This might be why I don’t really understand the meaning of tradition, of family you only see once a year because you share some percentage of your genes.)
I’m not Christian, but I have taken to celebrating the Solstice, indicating the darkest night when I can reflect on the year and start planting seeds of intentions. That makes sense to me and gives me a reason to mark the season in a better way than buying things nobody needs just for the sake of buying things. Also, it saves the pretty lights for me. I think that it is in our humanity to illuminate the darkest night of the year, even if just for hope.
Having a Christmas focused on Christ teaches us to, once again, be in the world but not of the world!
I laughed reading this because of how extreme it came across at points but I honestly relate to your feelings. They are a balm and great reflections.
Those special moments of silent reverence and observation you detailed mean so much more to Him (and do more for our souls) than any expression of “love” to another through gift-giving could ever accomplish.
There’s fun to be had at Christmas for sure!! - but that’s not to overshadow or undermine the true Miracle. ✝️ be well !
Tommy so much shininess in here. I love your thought journeys.
“I can hardly remember what I got for Christmas last year. And I remember everything.”
You do remember everything 😊
This is very good. I feel a bit emotional because I didn’t know that someone else feels close to exactly how I’ve been feeling. I’ve always loved Christmas, and not for commercial reasons- I’m a pretty thoughtful person, and Christmas feels so wonderful and silent and holy, such a good invitation to reflect on what actually matters. However, this year I haven’t been feeling it so much, and I’ve wondered what’s going on with me. Thank you for writing this, you’re not alone in these feelings!!
Thanks Katie! Appreicate you reading and the thoughtful words here. Hope you had a merry Christmas
This phrase was remarkable— “Last week I went into a shopping mall for the first time in four or five years, and the whole affair was a real wrist-slitter.” Made me laugh and felt so relatable. Beyond the capacity to convey truth through humor, your ability to observe things others don’t is refreshing. Admire your writing.
Ha thank you Ashlie! Appreciate you reading & the kind words (:
Tommy, really feeling this. Christmas is so commercialized now, it doesn't resemble anything like tradition. A holiday tree? Even going to the grocery store, everything needs to gift packaged and don't get me started on work holiday parties where you have to spend $20 on someone you barely know and make small talk. Everyone just engrossed in their phones. No one is 'present' anymore.
Ha thank you Brendan, appreciate you reading & glad it resonated. Christmas can certainly bring out the cynic in me, which is always a delicate balance
Your writing is stunning. I’m saving this to read again as I reflect on the year and consider more seriously and intentionally what priorities should be highest in 2026. Thank you.
Thank you :) Really appreciate you reading and the kind words here.
Thank you, Tommy, for sharing your thoughts with us. I always appreciate hearing them, sensing your vulnerability, your rawness, your voice.
Thank you Amba. It's so good to hear from you and have you here. A real blessing.
Tommy, thanks for this post. It really captured my sense the other day, Christmas shopping in another part of Ontario. The seasonal music was playing, just loud enough to hear the overtly Christian lyrics, and I thought, as I mused over a potential gift, that if we’d all just truly hear the words in all their truth and wonderment, our lives, and our world would shift, earthquake like, into new awareness, about just how beautiful, fragile and open to the divine each moment truly is. Of course, there was no earthquake but I had to wonder how much the lyrics leak into everyone’s psyches, waking them up at night (maybe like the carved face of one of your nativity figures), a little nudge, a whisper that we are made for more.
Callie, this is lovely:
“…but I had to wonder how much the lyrics leak into everyone’s psyches, waking them up at night (maybe like the carved face of one of your nativity figures), a little nudge, a whisper that we are made for more.”
🙏
So sad but true. However, celebrating with others will hopefully open up opportunities for me to share the true meaning of Christmas with those who do not believe in Jesus’ birth, life, death and resurrection. Let it be so!
this was. so. good. and something i have been thinking a lot about lately. thank you for sharing it in this exact form!
thanks Charlotte (:
Thankyou so much for writing this. I've felt this way for decades really, progressively feeling the exact way you write more and more each year. So much so, that I prefer to work, seeing patients that likely won't see anyone else. That at least, feels valuable. I hope we collectively get to the point we awaken and realise how soulless this time of year has become.
P.s. love the word Folly. And the choice of painting!
I resonate deeply with this and a lot of what you said have crossed my own mind lately, especially working in retail. Next year, I'll be making things to gift people or simply spending quality time with them to show my appreciation instead.
Well said!