☕ saturday mornings - october 14, 2023

confessing character, supreme folly & prayer

Happy Saturday!

I hope you’re having a great start to your weekend.

What I’ve been up to:

• Write of Passage is underway and I've been busy writing, editing, and attending live sessions. Although it's my 3rd time around, the course changes each time. With such amazing people in the community, it continues to reward me for every ounce of effort I put in.

• I published my first WoP essay on creating more agency in my life.

• I'm exploring a little bit of Buenos Aires each day & eating plenty of pastries (they put dulce de leche on everything). While it's not good for my body, it's good for my soul and that has to count for something.

Good luck to my Mom and sister running their second half marathon this year together :)

Here are the most interesting ideas I've explored this week.

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✍️ quote i’m pondering:

American essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson on how we show our character:

“People do not seem to realise that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.”

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📚 book passage i loved:

Many times in my life I have been ashamed because I caught my soul not daring to do what supreme folly—life’s essence—was calling me to do.

― Zorba the Greek by Nikos Kazantzakis

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💡 idea from me: the future doesn’t exist

Written in December 2022 (Version 1)

*Revised in October 2023

My brother and I have a running joke that "the future doesn't exist".

We planned this trip to Argentina for months and wanted to be here so badly and now we're here. And Buenos Aires is an unbelievable city. Yet, we catch ourselves fantasizing about coming home for the holidays, planning our next trip.

"The future doesn't exist" is a little reminder that we need to be here while we're here. 

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There seems to be a deep-rooted human desire to be somewhere we're not. A desire to be"anywhere, but here."

Living in Canada most of my life, I drooled over vagabonding across Europe. Then I actually did it. Last year, I spent 26 weeks abroad. But, despite doing what I had coveted for so many years, I often missed the familiarity and comfort of home.

The backpackers I met in hostels, in renowned cities like Rome, Prague, or Vienna, would rave about all the places they want to visit next, forgetting the grandiosity of the place they're in.

It's not only travel.

City slickers visit small towns and ache at how picturesque the countryside is, while the townsfolk are scratching and clawing to escape.

Single people crave the connection and companionship of a relationship, while those in relationships pine for the freedom of being single.

The masses hunger for the luxury and opulence of money, while the rich are burdened by meaninglessness and shackled by golden chains.

Peter Thiel once worked for a prestigious law firm in New York City, where the hours were long and the competition was cutthroat. He recounts, "On the outside, everybody wanted to get in. On the inside, everybody wanted to get out."

When I had a straightforward career path, I fantasized about the coming-of-age experience of wandering and being a little lost and figuring my life out. Now my path is less predictable, I ache for certainty.

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There's an annoying cliché that "we want what we don't have". But, it's more than that. You could almost say: "we want the opposite of what we have".

Books or advice or a "stern talking to" don't seem to help. Wisdom doesn't transmit well through words. It only blooms through experience.

I have a friend. Let's call him Jeff. A few years ago, Jeff decided he needed to break into finance. He glorified the 80-hour weeks, cocktail lunches, bulky bonuses. A mutual friend was worried Jeff was losing sight of himself. No matter what he said, Jeff wouldn't listen. Jeff was convinced a job in finance was the missing puzzle piece of his life. Eventually, after months of stress and strain, Jeff got the job in banking he wanted. Within days, reality hit him like a brick wall. His illusions shattered. Within weeks, he wanted out.

We create ideals of the things we don't have. They seem perfect in our minds. They promise the fullness of being we lack and long for. But, because we haven't experienced them, they lack detail. Yet, reality has a surprising amount of detail.

The jagged edges are forgotten or smoothed over. We don't consider the lower back pain from the 14th hour of hunching in a swivel-chair and mastering the shortcuts of Microsoft Excel, the stiff steel springs of hostel beds, the pervading loneliness spending Saturday night staring at the ceiling.

No books or lectures or podcasts can supplement the detail reality has.

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We will spend our lives learning hard things the hard way.

All the mistakes, all the falling off, all falling away and stubbing our toes, seems necessary. I had to gallivant around Europe to realize Hemmingway was right all along: “you can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.” I had to fall out of a relationship to learn my problems are just as stubborn when I'm single. I had to waste hours fantasizing about the future, how glorious it would be, to see how the future never came.

As numb as we are to words of wisdom, we always find our way back to their truths after learning their lessons the hard way.

Instead of wanting to be "anywhere, but here", I'm reminding myself: "I'd rather be here, than anywhere".

Besides, the future doesn't exist yet.

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Psst. If you enjoy my writing, it’d sure be cool if you subscribed :)

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❓ question i’m asking:

What is prayer?

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📸 photo of the week:

Buenos Aires - inside the courtyard of the building in Plaza de Mayo where Argentina’s revolution began

My best photo from Week 3 learning photography in public. See my best four photos on Twitter.

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Much love,

Tommy