I’m thinking about getting a dog
turning outwards
The other day, I was watching an interview with one of my favorite artists, Noah Kahan. It was one of those trendy millennial ones, where the celebrity is interviewed with their dog. Kahan, messy hair, rocking a weathered Brad Paisley t-shirt, baggy sweat shorts and Birkenstocks, was in the dusty desert hills of LA walking Penny, his German Shepherd.
When Kahan was asked how having a dog changed his life, he said Penny taught him to be kinder to himself. More forgiving, patient.
A dog will do things you don’t want them to do like scare strangers, or lunge at another dog, or tear up a cushion. But they’re still learning. They may fall short of expectations but it’s because they don’t know any better. They’re not perfect but they’re figuring things out.
Penny taught him to respond with forgiveness instead of frustration, acceptance instead of anger, patience instead of criticism.
He tries to apply that same lesson to himself:
“You want yourself to do the right things and make the right choices but it doesn’t always work that way. You have to be able to forgive yourself… understand there’s a lot of work to be done still.”
Kahan’s words resonated because I struggle to let my mistakes and failures go.
But I think that’s what it means to be your own best friend: to speak to yourself like you’d speak to your best friend. To treat your own mistakes and mess-ups and missteps like you’d treat a dog’s. You’re still learning. Trying your best. Not perfect but figuring things out.
Caring for something teaches you to take better care of yourself.
I’m fascinated by the reflexivity between your relationship with others and your relationship with yourself.
How you treat other people impacts how you treat yourself, and how you treat yourself impacts how you treat people.
In other words, how you treat anything is how you treat everything.
For example:
Want to be kinder to others? Start being kind to yourself.
Want to stop feeling self-critical? Stop criticizing others.
Want to be more honest with others? Stop lying to yourself.
The patterns of behavior you develop infuse all your relationships—including your relationship with yourself.
During my trip to Alberta this August, I visited my Uncle and spent time with his jet black two year old German Shepherd, Gus.
Gus sometimes ran onto the road, or took other dogs’ toys at the park, or barked at bikers from the window. But he’s still learning and figuring things out. I couldn’t help but be patient and understanding and forgiving.
I started to understand what Kahan was talking about.
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Caring for something teaches you to take better care of yourself.
Caring for something turns you away from yourself and towards something else.
There’s a certain negativity that stews from an over-fixation on the self. From devoting too much mental energy to my problems, my desires, my fears.
A dog requires care. It forces your attention outside of yourself—any type of self-indulgent reflection or obsessive-compulsive rumination or ruthless perfectionism—and turns it outwards. To something that needs you. To something right there. Right in front of you.
I’ve seen how harmful an over-indulgence on improving/optimizing/actualizing the self can be. It’s my main criticism of all the introspective content I see on Twitter (including my own lol). It’s stained with self-obsession.
It contradicts a Truth that religions and spiritual gurus and wise people all point to. That my life isn’t about me, it’s about the impact I can have on other people. It’s not about pampering myself, but caring for others. It’s not about the self, it’s about service.
If I’m feeling crummy, the remedy isn’t turning inward to isolate and ruminate and contemplate, but turning outward to pay attention to something or someone else. Maybe call a friend or compliment my Mom on her marathon training or try to make my brother laugh. (Maybe impulsively buy a German Shepherd?)
The more I think about other people, the less I think about myself, the better I feel.
Caring for something teaches you to take better care of yourself.
Caring for something turns you away from yourself and towards something else.
Caring for a dog seems pretty cool.
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Dogs are the most loyal and loving creatures you can have in life. I worked in a place where we brought dogs to work, so I know how beloved a dog can be. If you want to push yourself, try giving to a total stranger in another part of the world. Dogs are treated better than children in many parts of the world. You will most likely never meet the child you sponsor and they will never show any love and that’s why you may want to try that .. something that you are responsible for but does not reciprocate kindness. I don’t know, just a divergent opinion Tommy.
Having a pet, as long as you have the time and money for it, is one the best things you can do, I think. With friends or family, of course it's nice to reach out to them and help, but it is avoidable. With a pet, you must care for it, and as long as you're at home, it will make its presence known. Pets are an instant stress relief and really cute too.
Though I might be biased since I've got two mischievous cats ;)